To help me heal, I fight everyday to become a better version of myself. The best version. I just want to make that younger version of me proud. She’d think I was so cool. Thinking back I realize how strong I was. I feel sorry but through it all I still smiled and had so much fun. I can accept the bad memories now. I choose to cherish the good ones, because there was so much good. I’m never stripping myself of the good. Even if the bad makes it confusing. I was genuinely happy. Pure happiness should never be stripped away. You deserve those happy days, see them for what they are. Don’t let the bad poison all the good. Remember you’re allowed to walk away when things become overwhelming. You have a choice. I promise myself moving forward I will never force myself to stay in an uncomfortable situation. And I will always advocate for myself, I no longer have to bite my tongue. It’s not an over night thing. I’m so sorry…if you’re trapped in an environment where you’re stuck regulating your emotions based off the emotions of another….where your good day creates their bad one…you can’t do anything right because it’s not done exactly how they want it…your emotions make them uncomfortable so you have to always be numb…the subject is heavy of course. But when you - when not if …when you get yourself out of that environment remember to treat yourself with kindness. You’ll need to do a lot of healing, if you accept that or not. You need to time to heal and understand yourself. Learn how to be yourself again. And it sucks, but that’s just how life went for you. It doesn’t mean it has to be any less beautiful. Learn those lessons, grow from that pain.
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