Surprise... A housewife who is addicted to adultery talks about "why you can't get out"
Every time I think "I have to end it," someone whispers "but" in the back of my heart.
Why can't a housewife who is addicted to an affair get out of it? Without knowing it herself, she is swaying between everyday life and secrets.
In the morning, I send my child out normally, run the washing machine, and buy ingredients for dinner at the supermarket. No matter who sees it, it is an ordinary housewife. However, in the back of my heart, my chest bounces to one notification sound of my smartphone. The character "Good morning" from that person gives the color of the day.
Of course, I don't hate my family. My husband and children are important, and I don't intend to destroy my life. However, the time to be seen as a "single woman" who is neither a wife nor a mother is too sweet to resist. I feel like I will make up for the years that I have been chased by housework and put myself off.
The problem is that the pleasure is "something that cannot be obtained in everyday life."
At the table with the family, there is peace and peace. But there is no excitement or extraordinary. While people want stability, they also seek stimulation. The reason why housewives are addicted to infidelity may be this double desire of stability and stimulation.
Every time I think "I can't get out," my heart sinks deeper and deeper.
Every time I respond to him saying "I want to meet you," I feel like I can still shine as a "woman." This is not logic but feeling, it is hard to resist with my heart not my head.
However, at the same time, the backwardness definitely becomes heavy. While eating dinner, my heart aches from the casual kindness of my husband. When a child hugs me saying "I love you mom," I can't stand the weight of that small arm. Why did I choose this path even though I didn't want to destroy my family? Conflicts and contradictions accumulate day by day.
Still.
There are few people who can decide to break up right now. Because infidelity is not a "love game," it becomes a "place of the heart" that supplements loneliness, approval desire, unfulfilled feelings. If you depend on it, you can not easily let go.
However, one day there will always be a moment when people face reality.
The more a secret relationship endures, the greater the risk and the greater the pain. Reexamining the reasons for not being able to escape is also knowing yourself.
If there are people who are suffering in the same way, please do not blame yourself too much and reconsider the "what you really want" in the back of your heart. Is it love, approval, or just loneliness? When you find the answer, you may see the exit for the first time.
If there is a part that you can relate to, I want you to gently save this sentence and read it again 📌
The Housewife's Affair Why I can't get out The Secret Love The Housewife's Conflict The place of the heart
「不倫から抜け出せない」と感じるとき、いちばんつらいのは“好きだからやめられない”だけじゃなくて、「やめたい自分」と「やめたくない自分」が同時にいることでした。エプロンのまま家事をしながら、スマホの通知に驚いて汗が出る——あの感じ。普通の生活をしているのに、心だけ別の場所に引っ張られてしまうんですよね。 私が「抜け出せない理由」を言葉にできたのは、相手そのものより“そこで満たしていたもの”を分けて考えたときでした。たとえば、①誰かに女性として見られる承認、②家の中では得られない刺激、③寂しさの穴埋め、④悩みを聞いてくれる居場所。このどれが強いかで、対処が変わります。相手を断つだけだと、穴がそのままで反動が大きく、また戻りやすいです。 私が役に立ったのは「連絡をゼロにする」より先に、“依存の導線”を減らすことでした。通知が来る時間帯や場所（キッチン、寝室、子どもを寝かしつけた後など）を思い出して、スマホの通知を切る／ロック画面に表示しない／SNSはログアウトする、みたいに環境から先に変えます。意志より仕組みのほうが強いので、ここは現実的に効きました。 それでも会いたくなる波が来たら、「会いたい＝相手に会いたい」ではなく「安心したい／認められたい／刺激が欲しい」のどれかだと仮置きして、代わりの行動を用意します。たとえば、話を聞いてくれる友人に短く連絡する、30分だけ散歩する、日記に“今日しんどかった理由”を3行で書く、など。大げさじゃなくていいです。波は多くの場合、ピークが短いから。 もう一つ大事なのは、罪悪感で自分を追い込みすぎないこと。責めるほどストレスが増えて、結局また“逃げ場”として関係に戻ってしまいやすいです。だから私は、「私は今、寂しさを埋めたいだけかもしれない」と一回受け止めてから、次に何を選ぶかを考えました。 本当に抜け出すには、関係を終わらせる決断だけでなく、日常側で自分の心が休める場所（趣味、仕事、相談先、カウンセリングなど）を作るのが近道でした。もし今「抜け出せない」と苦しいなら、まずは通知・連絡頻度・会う回数のどれか一つだけでも減らしてみてください。小さな一歩でも、出口は確実に近づきます。