Was I the Bad Guy?
So this is something that I've held in a long time and some people closest to me don't know, when I was with my narcissistic ex he drank a lot... to the point that I was practically working two full time jobs. since we were not doing good after he cheated he would drink then start a fight and during these fights it would always end with him telling me to leave so he could kill himself and be happy. As things progressed he started to get more extreme and started breaking things around the house he literally one day put a hole in the wall not even centimeters from my face, then another day he had found our hand gun I had hidden and thankfully he didn't find the ammo as he held it to his head and pulled the trigger. it slowly progressed and then the day came where he got scary throwing things towards me during these fights. Two months after my birthday we were having one of our fights and he smashed our 70 some odd inch TV then grabbed something with sentimental value from a kid I took care of and went to throw it in my face his fist grazing my throat and I realized in that moment this man didn't care if he hurt me I had told myself for so long that he wouldn't hurt me on purpose. I had finally snapped and told him where the car keys were called 911 and hid the phone then finished the argument when he came back by telling him that I loved him but I was not going to watch him kill himself and I wouldn't give him the gun. he told me he knew where to get one and he would just leave go get it and kill himself so I told him without a second thought Then go do it! As soon as he left I got a call back from 911 and asked them to send cops after him as he was driving intoxicated with the intent to get a gun to harm himself and that he could hurt others to get it even though deep down I knew he wasn't going to do it I just wanted to have him admitted to the hospital to get some help. Sadly he left jurisdiction so a different cop arrested him for DUI (like above a 1.2 something) and I used his days in jail to pack up. I talked to him while he was there telling him what happened and what was going to happen, I even stayed to see him at his trial and beg him to get help he didn't show any emotion when I stood before him crying about it all but to this day people who know the situation say I was the one who was wrong for telling him to go to protect myself and calling the cops to try and protect him.
Living with a narcissistic partner who struggles with addiction and emotional instability often means you'll face difficult decisions aimed at protecting yourself. Many people in these situations experience conflicting feelings — guilt over their choices alongside the need to prioritize their safety and mental health. As shared in the story, telling a partner to "go do it" or involving authorities might feel harsh, but sometimes these actions are necessary to prevent further harm. Emotional abuse, such as manipulation through threats of self-harm, can be deeply damaging and confusing. It’s common for victims to rationalize or downplay the danger because they still care deeply. However, recognizing such behavior as a cycle of control and abuse is a crucial step toward healing and self-preservation. Calling 911 in situations where there’s a threat of violence or suicide attempts is a responsible act, even if the abuser later reacts negatively or those around question your decisions. Law enforcement intervention can lead to necessary medical or psychological support for someone who might otherwise refuse help. Understanding "big heart syndrome," where doing what's best for yourself feels painful and selfish, helps validate your experience. Protecting yourself does not make you the bad guy; setting boundaries and seeking safety are acts of courage and self-love. If you find yourself in a similar relationship, consider reaching out to support groups or professional counselors experienced in abuse and addiction. Remember, prioritizing your well-being is not just about survival—it’s the foundation for reclaiming your life and peace of mind.
