The twins concert/reflecting
Moments like these are some that I just can't have taken away from me. No matter what a job says.
3 years ago, I lost someone close to me and the guilt of losing them lingers with me every single day. Their death taught me that life is so short, and that we should make time for those around us. Which will always be a regret of mine with this person. I know my job has been giving me shit for calling out, so I've been doing my best not to since then.
I asked to leave work early and I'm sure they stayed talking about me after I left work, but at this point I'm starting not to care as much. I work 30 mins from where I live, in another town and I thank God that I was able to make it back home in time. Seeing my younger sisters grow up, makes me feel nostalgic in a way. As I watched them get ready for their middle school orchestra concert, I thought to myself how cool they seem at their young age compared to myself at their age. I was no where near as cool. I was much dorkier (yes I made up that word) than they are. I remember I use to wear a white dress shirt with black dress pants and black flats. Along with that, my small round glasses (the style back then) and a headband that would hold my long black hair back. I played violin at their age and remember always striving to get the best of the two music sheets for violin players in our orchestra back then. My pride back then and confidence when it came to playing violin...literally non-existent now.
My sisters looked so much more put together. The older of the twins Dani, wore a black dress shirt with a vest on top, black cargo pants, and Emily's platform converse sneakers. It made me wish I had more of a sense of fashion back when I was her age. Emily, the younger of the twins wore a white dress shirt that had these girly lace and frills with a black vest on top, and black dress pants with some mary janes. I love when people associate twins as being the same person, because it's wrong in every way. My twin sisters couldn't be anymore different from one another. Dani being the tomboy and Emily being the girlier twin.
The concert was cute. It felt weird going back to my old middle school gym and seeing how much it's changed since I went there years ago. Both of my sisters play double bass, and I'm not going to lie watching them play kind of made me a little emotional. I don't think I'll have children of my own one day, so this was the closet to that I will get. While they played I thought back to every struggle, every obstacle that we have gone through to make it to this moment and I thank God that we're here. Still struggling but thankful that things aren't worse.
I'm not sure where this year will take me, but hopefully it brings good things. That's all I'm begging for at this point.
Attending a concert like this really brings to light how important family moments are, especially when life’s pressures and regrets tend to weigh on us. I’ve found that watching young musicians perform can trigger deep emotions—not just pride, but also a mix of reflection on the past and hopes for what’s to come. It’s natural to compare your own childhood to that of younger siblings, noticing how they find confidence and identity in ways that you might not have at their age. Siblings, especially twins, often have unique dynamics that shape their personalities. It’s refreshing to see how differences strengthen their individuality, like your description of Dani as the tomboy and Emily as the girly twin. Such contrasts remind us that even those who are so closely connected can express themselves in distinct and meaningful ways. Grieving a loss and carrying guilt is a painful, ongoing process, but moments with family can bring healing. Being present for your sisters’ concert not only honored your memories but also reinforced the importance of prioritizing personal connections despite job stress or external obligations. Choosing to leave work early to be there shows how we sometimes need to set boundaries to create space for what truly matters. Moreover, the nostalgia of returning to your old middle school and witnessing how things have changed adds another layer to personal growth and perspective. Life moves fast, and reflecting on these shifts helps us appreciate the present even more. Your experience resonates with many who juggle responsibilities while longing to be more connected with loved ones. If you’re looking for ways to savor these family moments more deeply, consider capturing them through journaling or photos, which can serve as reminders during harder times. It might also be comforting to share stories about your own musical past with your sisters, building bridges across generations. In the end, embracing both the joys and struggles of life creates a fuller, richer experience that we can carry forward with gratitude and hope.