She wants to be called “mom”?
My husband and I are expecting our first baby, and my mother-in-law has already decided she wants to be called “Ima.” At first, I thought it was sweet I assumed it meant “grandmother” in Hebrew. But when I looked it up, I found out it actually means “mom.”
And honestly… that made me super uncomfortable. I don’t like the idea of my daughter calling anyone else a name that means mother. That’s my role.
I brought it up to my husband, and he said it’s “not a big deal,” which honestly hurt a little. My family and friends all agree it’s weird it feels like she’s trying to take a title that isn’t hers.
Thankfully, after talking again, he said he’d handle it and suggest she go by Oma instead (since his family is German). I’m really hoping she takes it well because this already feels like a red flag for future boundaries.
Would you be bothered if your MIL wanted to be called a name that literally means “mom”?
Navigating family relationships after welcoming a new baby can sometimes bring unexpected challenges, especially when it comes to defining roles and boundaries around titles. It’s quite common for grandparents to want to feel closer to the child and to claim affectionate names — but the choice of those names can carry significant emotional weight. The term “Ima” meaning “mom” can understandably feel competitive or invasive to a new mother who wants to maintain her unique role. It is important to recognize that these feelings are valid and stem from the natural desire to establish clear parental identity and respect. Many families experience similar tensions when grandparents or in-laws choose to take on titles that traditionally belong to parents. One approachable solution is fostering open, honest communication among all adults involved. As shared in the original story, suggesting alternative endearments like “Oma,” which respects cultural heritage while maintaining clear boundaries, can help everyone feel comfortable and valued. Such compromises show respect for the mother-in-law’s desire to bond and the new mother’s rightful space. In addition, establishing these boundaries early on helps set a precedent for future interactions concerning parenting decisions and family roles. It encourages mutual respect and avoids misunderstandings that can escalate family conflicts. For those in a similar situation, it can help to express your feelings with empathy and clarity, emphasizing that your primary concern is your child's well-being and preserving your role as their mother. Recognizing cultural differences and discussing options openly can also transform a potentially divisive issue into a moment of family growth. Lastly, engaging in supportive conversations with trusted friends or family members—and even seeking advice from family counselors—can provide valuable perspectives and help in navigating these emotional dynamics. Ultimately, every family has its unique rhythm, and finding a balance that honors everyone’s love and respect for the child is key to harmonious relationships.
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