Refusing to help my brother anymore

Reading about your experience with your brother truly hit home for me, and I want you to know that your feelings are incredibly valid. It’s easy for others to judge from the outside, but living through the physical and emotional toll of caring for a sibling with challenging behaviors, especially when aggression is involved, is a different story entirely. While some online discussions might simplify sibling dynamics into lighthearted 'autism brother' content, the reality, as you've so bravely shared, is often far more complex and painful. Many siblings of individuals with autism struggle with similar feelings of duty, guilt, and resentment. There's an invisible burden that often falls upon them, particularly when parents are overwhelmed or don't fully acknowledge the sibling's needs. Being kicked, hit, or enduring physical harm like a black eye is not acceptable, regardless of the challenging circumstances of your brother's diagnosis. Your safety and well-being should always be a priority, and it's not 'heartless' to protect yourself from harm. It's a fundamental act of self-preservation. Setting boundaries, even with family, is an act of self-care. It's crucial for your mental and emotional health, and yes, your physical safety too. If you're constantly in a position where you're being hurt, or feeling emotionally drained and unsupported, it's impossible to be genuinely helpful to anyone, including your brother. You're right – you are not a therapist, nor are you a punching bag. Your role as a sibling does not automatically extend to being a primary, unprotected caregiver, especially when it jeopardizes your own well-being. It might be helpful to explore resources designed specifically for siblings of individuals with special needs. There are support groups where you can connect with others who understand these unique challenges. Individual counseling can also provide a safe space to process your complex emotions, manage guilt, and develop strategies for communicating your needs to your parents. Sometimes, families benefit from family therapy that includes the neurotypical siblings, ensuring their voices are heard and their needs are addressed. Learning about de-escalation techniques can be empowering, but remember, these are tools to assist trained professionals, not to replace them or to put yourself in harm's way. Ultimately, your decision to step back is a testament to your strength and your innate need for self-preservation. It's okay to grieve the relationship you wish you could have and to protect the one life you are unequivocally responsible for: your own. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty for prioritizing your health and safety. You deserve support and understanding, not further harm or blame. Have you found any support communities that resonate with you, or considered talking to a therapist about these difficult family dynamics?