Having mental disorders is so strange, one day you are the baddest bitch in town, your nails are done, your toes are done, your hair is washed, condition, dried and curled! House is clean, car clean, dogs bed washed, kids rooms cleaned, your throwing smiles at strangers, and your life just feels perfectly together, and then, all of a sudden, out of absolutely nowhere, on a Wednesday at 2:38 in the afternoon, you start to feel a strange heaviness in your chest, the room gets a little darker, you start to notice that you need to shave your legs, or that you look tired, the baby peed the bed so your blankets need washed, and you were feeling so good the night before that you let the dishes slide for the night and now you have a sink full of dishes and your overwhelmed, you have to do your hair all over again, you’re 15 minutes late to school, no makeup, no lashes, no cute outfit, you’re ducking people that you would have hugged the day before, you’re kinda just there, showing up, trying your hardest to blend in with everyone else and hoping that whatever this little mood is that you’re going through passes soon sooner than later and no one notices. Even though you desperately need someone to notice, someone to tell you “I just went through that, you’ll be okay” And you know it will because you’ve been through 1 million times but something in the back of your brain tells you it’s gonna be like this forever. I spent so many years not understanding what I was going through. Pushing people away, getting to close to people, I really thought that the way I would feel sometimes, was just a personality trait or because of how I grew up, I was self-medicating and self sabotaging through the ups and downs, I wasn’t truly holding myself accountable or addressing the major issues that held me back for sooooo long. Someone told me one time “You can’t go through everything that people like us have gone through and NOT have some type of mental disorder at the end of it..” I’ve learned that things starts to wear on you after so many years, it starts to change you. And through everything over the years, you know what I’ve realized? That when you’re a good person, Like a really good person. Babygirl, you’re gonna push through all of that shit, you’re gonna learn coping mechanisms, you’re gonna learn skills ,you’re gonna start to learn YOURSELF and know what works for you, what triggers you, And you’re just gonna get to a point in your life where you really don’t care if somebody sees you with no makeup and sweatpants on, because it’s not about them, it’s about you and right now, you are HEALING, you are growing! And finding ways to be comfortable in your own skin. I just wish more people knew this. I remember sitting in a room 16 years ago, angry, messy, lost! Telling someone that I loved dearly that “ this is just me, this is just how I am” because why not? my mom was the same way, my grandmother was just as wild and unhinged. I literally remember thinking that I just got shitty genetics. I have one semester left to get my degree in social and behavioral science and I absolutely cannot wait to get my feet inside of those doors and just hold the first person that I see, I just wanna remind people that they’re not alone, I want to give people the same faith and encouragement that I needed so desperately as a child. we are human and how are we ever gonna know unless we are taught? How are we ever gonna appreciate how far we’ve came unless we put in the work and really fight to be better? How would we ever even know about the good days unless we had the bad ones too? It’s okay to not have your hair done, or makeup on, it’s okay if you wait to do the dishes, ITS OKAY to not be okay sometimes🫶🏽 once you start to realize that this fight isn’t with ANYONE else, that it’s with your self and YOU win at the end of it… the heavy days start to feel a little lighter❤️