CoParenting W/O BITTERNESS !
Why coparenting actually works for us
So myself and my Ex were together for 6 years had one child and broke up in 2018
6 years later I’m married with another child & he is engaged with 2 more children
There is no child support , no court involved and we both split our child. We each have half the week.
I personally believe we coparent very well but the only reason this works for us is :
1. before we got into a new relationship we had SEVERAL conversations. We had to talk about all of the hurt and issues from our past relationship & left nothing unsaid so that there was no bitterness and resentment. Each of us were in different spaces so we had to be mindful of that which is why it took much more than one conversation. And we each took accountability
2. When the relationship was done, it was DONE. There was no lovey dovey double back NOTHING. Strictly coparenting.
3. We separated the parent from the partner. MEANING, I felt like my ex wasn’t the best boyfriend BUT he was ALWAYS a great father. So I didn’t question his parenting or his motives when it came to his child & vice versa.
4. We didn’t get in each others business. Now, ALTHOUGH we did introduce eachother to our new spouses when it got serious, we didn’t get into each others personal lives. I personally didn’t feel the need to know every woman he dated. I knew his character & this is a man who wouldn’t even let his own mother talk crazy to his child so I was not worried that anyone else would even have to ability to harm my child. And vice versa , there was a level of trust we had.
5. We don’t believe in child support . We both keep our daughter and split the time evenly for both homes. There’s no reason either person should be getting child support if we both split the responsibilities. We both buy clothes. We both take her to doctor appointments & more.
6. We GENUINELY care about the others well being. Many people don’t think this matters but it does. There has been times where my daughter has been good and I was picking her up from her dad and he would see I had low gas and send gas money. Now maybe that doesn’t concern HER specifically but he knew that would limit what she would be able to do. This is not an all the time thing but we both try our best to make sure that both households are Good. What does it benefit for one to see the other struggling ? That means our child will be struggling.
7. We stay on the same page. When she is in trouble or isn’t allowed to do something or if her routine needs to change we make sure that this is something that translates across BOTH households so that she can be consistent.
8. We created boundaries. We both have new spouses who are active in our child’s life and love her very much. So we created boundaries and now have group chats with all 4 parents so we constantly communicate (DAILY) together about our child and update each other about how she is doing
9. We GET TO KNOW EACHOTHER. We don’t have to speculate about the spouses because we spend time together. We try as often as we can for our daughter to have her full family together. We have game nights and talk and have fun. We appreciate eachother. Her bonus parents have skills that we just don’t have and we appreciate how our child gets more than she ever could with just the two of us . (For example, her dads fiancé is teaching her gymnastics , something I Can’t do at ALL. My husband teaches her piano and drums which her dad can’t do at ALL) what amazing benefits .
All in all , when it’s really about the child , we focus on whatever gives her the best experience and the most loving households all around. This is what works for us . It keeps us on the same page.
#embracevulnerability #Lemon8Diary #shareyourthoughts #storytime #lemon8creator #testimony #coparenting #breakupjourney #blendedfamily #bonus
Co-parenting can be a challenging journey, especially after a breakup. However, there are strategies that can lead to a harmonious environment for both parents and the child. One essential element is communication; addressing past hurts and feeling accountable helps to clear emotional burdens. It's crucial to keep the relationship strictly co-parenting without falling back into past romantic habits. Separating parenting from former partnership roles prevents unnecessary conflicts. Additionally, establishing boundaries allows new partners to integrate while maintaining focus on the child's needs. Understanding that both parents have equal responsibilities fosters teamwork. Sharing time and decision-making leads to balanced roles in the child's life. It's also vital to be supportive of one another. Simple gestures, like helping with finances, can strengthen co-parenting relationships. Mutual respect and trust are paramount; even if a new partner is involved, confidence in each other's parenting capabilities creates a sense of security. Keeping consistent rules and expectations across both households helps children adapt and feel secure. Utilizing group chats to support daily communications ensures that everyone stays informed about the child's needs and progress. Lastly, creating opportunities for the family to come together, such as game nights, allows for positive interactions and builds appreciation for each parent's involvement. With these practices, co-parenting can transform from a source of stress into a collaborative effort that truly benefits the child.
Baby that is some growth and serious adulting! I love it. Civilized Co-parenting is something you don’t often see. Salute ✊🏽