A letter for when I feel like I am lagging behind
This year, i turned 29.
And i have been thinking about all the things i wish someone had told me - not to fix anything, but to simply say: ‘i see you’ or, ‘this is a valid feeling’.
So here are 29 letters to myself. Maybe to you too.
Dear you,
The funny thing is, today you told your friend: “I don’t see their achievements or life stages — in marriage or having kids — as milestones.”
And that truly sums up how you should be seeing things when you feel like you are lagging behind.
Honestly, you don’t feel like you are lagging behind in the conventional sense like relationships, marriage, kids. You feel like you are lagging behind your career. And i guess that really goes to show you, what you value most in life.
You value being needed, being wanted, being…. Able to value add. And that is why, your career stagnating feels like such a bother. You feel like you are lagging behind while people are getting promoted, and you are just. Here. Unsure of whether this is even where you would stay eventually, or whether you would be moving again.
Honestly, i can’t tell you if you would be staying. But what i can tell you is, there is no need to view others’ life achievements as your own milestones. You’re doing great as is. So what if you have some regrets in your career path? There is something called a mid-career switch anyway. Stop thinking that you got to have it all figured out, because you decided on your path since 14. You’re 29. That’s a 15 years gap.
You’re not lagging behind ANYONE. Instead, you are pitting yourself in an invisible competition - one that you didn’t sign up for and don’t even believe in. So don’t be silly. You know how to tell others that you don’t have to compare. So, why are you?
I know hearing that you are not lagging is precisely what you DO NOT want to hear right now. But i still got to say it. Because there ain’t no way i am going to let you continue thinking that you are lagging behind.
You are doing good at your own time. So stop worrying. You got more than half of your life expectancy left. You don’t have to have it figured out.
Life is not a competition. So don’t make it one.
Love,
pf
I've often found myself wrestling with that nagging feeling of lagging behind, especially when it comes to career progress. Like many, I used to compare my timeline with others, thinking that promotions, milestones, or life achievements were markers I needed to hit by a certain age. What helped me was understanding that the feeling of lagging is often rooted in invisible, self-imposed competitions rather than reality. It’s easy to look around and see others moving forward, but our journeys are unique, and timelines vary widely. Another eye-opener was realizing that societal expectations, like settling down or certain career paths, don't have to define my success or happiness. Sometimes at 29 or beyond, a career switch or new direction can be exactly what is needed. There's no shame in reassessing and embracing change. I also found value in self-compassion—acknowledging feelings of doubt without judgement and reminding myself that progress isn’t always linear. Life expectancy and opportunities ahead mean we have ample time to grow on our own terms. By sharing these reflections, I hope to encourage others who feel stuck or behind. You're not alone in these feelings. Taking ownership of your own timeline, recognizing your worth, and releasing the pressure of comparison can bring peace and renewed motivation.
