I’m a Therapist, & I was BLINDSIDED by my own pregnancy. 🤰🏾
I’m a therapist. I knew all the theory and I still had no idea I was giving birth to myself too.
I look at this pic and I want to go back and hold myself. I was so prepared; or at least I thought I was. I was reading the books. I knew the psychology of giving birth. And still, I had absolutely no idea what was coming for me.
That’s the thing nobody warns you about; not even the clinical literature, not for REAL. There is a complete psychological rebirth that happens alongside the physical one. Professionally we call it matrescence.
Matrescence is the developmental transition into motherhood that mirrors adolescence in its intensity. Your brain literally changes. Your identity reorganizes itself. Your nervous system recalibrates around a new center of gravity.
I could follow along with the terms and the theory, but I still wasn’t prepared for what it felt like from the inside. Nobody sits you down and says: the woman who goes into that delivery room will not be the woman who comes out. You will be cracked open in ways that have nothing to do with your body.
The woman in this photo thought she was just growing a baby. She was actually in the middle of one of the most profound identity transformations a human being can go through. She was so focused on the nursery and the birth plan that she didn’t even notice she needed her own nursery and birth plan; not just figuratively but LITERALLY. I had to learn that I wasn’t just becoming a mother.
I was becoming ME, but fuller.
If you are pregnant right now, or postpartum, and you feel unrecognizable to yourself, please hear this from someone who studies this for a living:
You are not broken. you are not failing. You are in the middle of becoming someone you haven’t met yet. That’s all. She’ll fit in just fine.
Give her grace. She’s working really hard. 🤍
#pregnancy #postpartum #motherhood #bodytransformation #therapyforblackwomen
From my own experience and countless conversations with new mothers, the concept of matrescence has been invaluable in making sense of the emotional whirlwind pregnancy brings. It’s easy to prepare for childbirth in a physical sense—arranging nurseries, reading up on labor, and making birth plans. But the mental and emotional rebirth, where your sense of self evolves dramatically, often catches women off guard. This transformation can sometimes lead to feelings of loss or confusion, leaving new moms questioning who they are now. I remember feeling like I was meeting myself for the first time, peering into an unfamiliar reflection that was somehow still me but expanded and shifted. This psychological change is as significant as the physical one—your brain restructures, priorities shift, and your nervous system adjusts to a new rhythm centered around motherhood. For anyone navigating pregnancy or postpartum challenges, embracing matrescence means allowing yourself grace and patience. It's a journey of becoming, not failing. Recognizing that feeling 'unrecognizable' is a natural part of this transition can be incredibly healing. It also highlights the importance of creating a 'nursery' for your evolving identity—a safe, supportive space where you nurture your mental and emotional well-being alongside your baby's growth. Additionally, sharing experiences with fellow mothers or therapists familiar with matrescence can provide comfort and guidance. Professional support, whether through therapy or peer groups, helps in understanding that this 'cracking open' leads to fuller growth—not breaking. In essence, pregnancy involves dual births: the physical arrival of a child and the psychological emergence of a new self. Acknowledging and preparing for both can make the motherhood journey richer and more fulfilling.
