My Fears Are Holding Me Back
A few years ago I had the chance of a lifetime and moved out to Colorado to live and work on a private dude ranch. I was 19 and had left home for the first time. There I became a wrangler who took guests through the Rocky mountains and down canyon's. It was just me, three other staff members and the horses for 7 months. But on September 10th I had a huge accident where one of my riders got thrown and ended up in the hospital. The whole thing was such a big scary event, especially because I was alone and my horse ran off so I had no way to call for help. But a few weeks later when my rider was healing and on a good path we continued taking guests out on rides. This event has left me stuck. Even though I know its not my fault, I feel guilty. Like what could I have done differently that day. And that fear has stopped me from continuing to do what I love. Theres now a great opportunity to be a wrangler in Colorado again and I'm scared to even take it because I feel I'll mess up. I don't want to lose that part of me and give up that life. But I also dont want to leave the people I love again even if it is for a few months.
#horselife #cowboy #fearoffailure #meantalhealthsupport #wreckrecovery
Having experienced a life-changing accident while working as a wrangler, I deeply understand how fear and guilt can weigh heavily on one’s spirit. When my rider was thrown and hospitalized, I was left alone, scared, and without help nearby. It was a raw moment that shook my confidence to the core. After some time, I kept wondering what I could have done differently, even though logically, it wasn’t my fault. This inner struggle of self-blame and fear of failing again is something many can relate to. I’ve learned that confronting these emotions is vital for healing and moving forward. Allowing yourself to acknowledge fear without letting it take control is the first step. Seeking support from friends, fellow wranglers, or mental health resources can help process the trauma and rebuild confidence. Also, revisiting the passion that drew you to the profession—like the love for horses and the Rocky Mountains—can reignite your courage. Returning to wrangling after such an incident doesn’t mean ignoring the past; it’s about growth. Every ride thereafter is a testament to resilience. Relearning how to trust your skills and instincts takes time, patience, and kindness toward yourself. Balancing personal desires with the love for those you care about is difficult, but it’s important to remember that self-fulfillment and meaningful relationships can coexist. For anyone facing similar fears, know that you are not alone in missing "this life." It’s natural to feel stuck, but with support and self-compassion, you can regain your sense of purpose. Taking small steps toward riding again or engaging with the horses in any capacity can slowly dissolve the weight of fear. Your passion is still within you, waiting to be embraced once more.