I Had To Learn The Hard Way For Love😅🩷
Hey girls! Having a stable, healthy relationship can be soooooo hard, especially when you have never had one. Im going to tell you how I worked the past 2 years to have a healthy relationship with my boyfriend and what worked for us!
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Dates: One important thing that my boyfriend and I struggled with after a while of being together was forgetting that we were still dating each other! Flirting and dirty talk and cute dates can be easily forgotten when you get comfortable, so now we try to go on a date at least once every 2 weeks because of our work schedules. However, we try to plan at least 1 day a week to spend time together.
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Communication and Support: This one was hard for me because I come from a broken family and communication was not at all my strong suit. It took me lots of therapy and anger management to learn to communicate properly. Remembering that we are both on the same team and he also can’t read my mind has definitely helped. He has always had my support, but sometimes I struggle when I disagree. However, we talk about whatever it is and work through it and at the end of the day, we remember we love each other and support each other regardless.
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Have Fun: We go on looootttssssss of trips! Im talking like 3-4 a year, which I know is not possible for everyone and that is completely okay! However we are always doing things together! We do mini-golf, bowling, amusement parks, game nights and for trips we travel to Utah, Colorado, New York and places that we both enjoy. Having fun is so important to us and it definitely helps us get out of our electronics and enjoy each other more.
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Affection, Love, and Care: I feel like this is pretty self explanatory, but everyone shows love in different ways. My boyfriend and I struggled for a while with learning each other’s love languages and how to make each other feel cared for. His love language is acts of service and mine is physical touch and sometimes we would get lost in wanting our own love languages that we would forget to do it for the other person. With a lot of communication and understanding what the other person wants, we were able to work through and find balance. We always show each other we care through small things as well like little notes or making food for each other when we are sick. This definitely mended something in my heart.
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Listen and LEARN: This was a STRUGGLE for me. Big time. Im talking I was reading for 911 therapy appointments some days😂 I was terribleeeee at listening to respond! I only heard what he said and waited for him to finish so I could say my piece instead of listening to how he felt. I always thought and felt as if us talking or arguing was an attack at me. Now I have learned that he is valid in his feelings and even if it hurts my feelings, his feelings are also hurt! Listen to what your partner says and understand and try to fix what is hurting them as well. Also remember it is not an attack.
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Trust and Appreciation: Trusting my boyfriend was difficult for me because in my 2 previous relationships I was cheated on or lied to heavily. Also the beginning of our relationship was kind of rocky so it caused me to be weary. Stepping out of my comfort zone and allowing him to show me I can trust him took a long time, but in the long run helped our relationship grow tremendously. Also showing appreciation to each other was and is just as important. I was so shadowed by my own pride and ego that I would hate to tell him how I appreciated him and was thankful. Now I have learned that its not a pride thing and that it is good and okay to be vulnerable and let someone know how grateful you are for them and the things they do for you.
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Overall, a healthy relationship takes a lot of work. My relationship is by no means perfect and we still need tons of work. But it takes both people to want it and to want to fix it and put in the work and effort. Im grateful for my boyfriend each and every day snd im grateful for the relationship we have grown together. I hope some of this helps you realize thats its okay to be vulnerable, its okay to show your partner love, its okay to not have a perfect relationship. Love is not always easy, but it is definitely worth it.
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It’s easy to talk about putting in effort at the beginning of a relationship, but what about when life gets hectic, and routines set in? That's when the real work begins, and it’s where many couples stumble. I’ve definitely had my moments where I felt like the effort was a mountain too steep to climb, but through those struggles, I’ve discovered some practical ways to keep that effort consistent and meaningful. One thing I learned is that 'effort matters in love' isn't just about grand gestures like trips to Utah or New York, as amazing as those are. It's often the small, everyday choices. For instance, my partner and I started a 'date jar.' We write down simple, low-cost date ideas – like a picnic in the park, trying a new coffee shop, or a cozy movie night at home with homemade snacks – and pull one out when we need inspiration. It ensures we continue to "GO ON DATES!!" even when our schedules are packed and budgets are tight. These little moments remind us why we fell in love and help us reconnect. Another area where consistent effort makes a huge difference is in listening. The article mentions "LISTEN AND LEARN, NOT LISTEN TO RESPOND." This hit home for me. It’s a skill that needs constant practice. I’ve found that truly listening means putting away my phone, making eye contact, and resisting the urge to interrupt or formulate my defense. Sometimes, I even repeat back what I heard to ensure I understood. It sounds simple, but it takes conscious effort to validate your partner's feelings, especially when they differ from your own. This practice has been instrumental in strengthening our communication and building deeper trust. Expressing appreciation, just like the image showing a note from 'Peyton' to his 'SWEET girlfriend', is another aspect of daily effort. It’s easy to take your partner for granted, so I started a tiny habit: once a day, I try to vocalize something specific I appreciate about him or something he did. It could be as simple as, 'Thanks for making coffee this morning,' or 'I really appreciated you listening to me vent.' These small acknowledgments reinforce positive behaviors and make both of us feel seen and valued. It's a powerful way of "expressing appreciation in a relationship" that doesn't cost a thing. And what about when things get tough? The OCR also highlights "SUPPORT EACH OTHER, EVEN WHEN IT'S HARD." This is where effort truly shines. It means being there during difficult times, offering a shoulder to lean on, or simply sitting in silence when words aren't enough. It's about being your partner's biggest cheerleader and their safe haven. It's not always easy, especially when you're also going through your own challenges, but remembering you're a team helps. Ultimately, a "healthy relationship" isn't a destination; it's an ongoing journey of conscious choices and consistent effort. It's about showing up, being present, and continuously working to understand and support each other. It’s not about perfection, but about the willingness to keep learning and growing together, day in and day out.
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