Is asking my future in-laws for money a good idea?

Fiancé’s parents are old money loaded. I make $60k a year; Fiancé’s a teacher, has a trust fund but can’t touch it freely. Now, his parents want me to quit work and be a stay-at-home mom. They said my salary “emasculates” him. Um, no? I offered a compromise, if they set up an unrecoverable trust, putting in my yearly earnings (plus raises) for 35 years, that way, I quit. Or a prenup, divorce gets half his trust. They lost it. Called me ridiculous. My mom says I’m rude, putting it in money terms. But… why ask me to give up a career with zero safety net?

#Letschat #asklemon8 #FutureInLaws #Weddingy #TrustFundTangle

2025/7/14 Edited to

... Read moreWhen entering a relationship where one partner's family has substantial wealth, it's crucial to address financial expectations early to avoid misunderstandings and conflicts. In situations where future in-laws pressure a partner to quit work, especially citing notions like a salary 'emasculating' their child, clear communication and boundary-setting become essential. Asking future in-laws to set up an unrecoverable trust fund reflecting your income over several years or discussing prenup terms that protect your financial interests are reasonable approaches to ensure security before making substantial life changes. Financial independence provides a safety net that can protect individuals from vulnerability in case of changing relationship dynamics. It's important to recognize that relinquishing a career without safeguards might expose one partner to financial risk, emphasizing why discussing terms involving trust funds or prenuptial agreements is critical. These discussions may feel transactional but provide clarity and fairness, helping both parties align expectations. Open dialogues about finances can be challenging but help establish respect and understanding. When dealing with wealthy in-laws, asserting your financial worth and career ambitions is not disrespectful—it signals valuing oneself and ensuring sustainable family dynamics. Utilizing legal financial arrangements, such as trusts or prenups, can offer reassurance to all parties involved. Ultimately, prioritizing mutual respect, safety nets, and transparent conversations ensures a balanced approach to integrating financially disparate families, helping preserve both personal and relationship well-being.

40 comments

Kristin Simon's images
Kristin Simon

Why are you rude for putting it in money terms but they put it in money terms first💁🏻‍♀️

maravalle79's images
maravalle79

I believe you totally in your right mind to do this. Personally I would have probably worded it differently, also the prenup and divorce comment was probably not the right words. Personally I would have asked them to clarify how you guys are supposed to live on his teacher salary. Then asked them if they were going to help you guys with the wage loss.

See more comments