Signs of a toxic friend!

So I made this list thinking back again about ✨that girl✨ from high school. I don’t think I gave her a story name last time. But I’ll use Myrtle. If you haven’t read the first story, it was a few months back, scroll down until you see a big broken heart blocking her face from a selfie I took of me and her.

These are a few things she has done that slowly wrecked our friendship.

1) always making the subject about her.

So she always had something to complain about. Her husband (now ex), her mom, her sister, some guy she talked to. Whatever.

There would be a group text me, her, and my cousin. Trying to make plans together, or talking about some issue going on, especially when I was separated from my husband. She was also separated from her husband. And Myrtle would just send a screenshot of some guy in the chat “what do you guys think of him?” Some of them were extremely questionable. The conversation would detour that directions she wouldn’t answer my questions on availability for us to get together. Whatever.

2) they don’t support your growth

So when I freshly left my husband for the separation, I had my son to support. (To be clear she was a mother of 2 at the time as well. So this wasn’t that I had responsibilities and she didn’t) but I was looking to get a better career. Started plans on being stronger, tougher, and mentally I felt it was my duty to play both parental roles because I didn’t know if we were ever going back home. So I was researching careers that didn’t require long schooling.

I decided on massage therapy. It was something I was considering over a year at time but my husband at the time supported me but didn’t. Basically he just went “yeah” but didn’t actually do anything to help me like planning financially or helped me look at schools and options. So the dream never took flight. When I mentioned the idea to Myrtle she replies with “ewww you wanna touch people! What if they’re old!”

While yes, it’s true, your clients can be any age, when you’re trying to set goals and people point out the worst in the direction you want to go, it make it hard to go for it.

So massage therapy was just a dream. I never went for it and kept looking. Meanwhile she didn’t really have a career goal she just needed a job so she went back to working at a gas station.

Another time was when I met my now fiance. Back then he was just a friend. He taught me about 4 wheeling and showed me new things in nature. I learned something about myself, how much i really like being outside. And Myrtle said “ you’re changing! This isn’t you” I was still me. I’m allowed to learn to love new things.

3)treat you like you don’t know what you’re talking about

there was several times this happened. But I think the silliest one was Lake Day. Myrtle, my cousin, and I were planning to go down to Bartlett lake for a day in the sun. We planned weeks ahead. Well, come 4 days before lake day, I checked the weather and there was a prediction of rain. We are talking about July in Arizona, Monsoon season. So i put in the group chat “hey guys, we might need a plan b. There might be rain” with a screenshot of the forecast. My cousin asked what we should do. I said we can wait it out through the week to see if there was any change but maybe think of an inside option just in case there’s no change. I through out some options like going to the mall or going to watch a movie, my cousin said maybe and no response from Myrtle. Later she put something else in the chat and totally ignored the question. Days passed and the day before I put in the chat again “ it’s guaranteed to rain. Do we wait to wait and see, maybe it won’t be as bad? What do we want plan b to be?” No response. The day of lake day it was pouring. I met up with Scott as planned. Getting coolers ready and the jeep ready. Myrtle calls me up “JESSICA ITS RAINING” like this was a shocker. And demanded I figure something out. That day was aweful. She stirred up so much drama

4) they don’t care about your safety if it inconveniences them.

So there’s a couple times this happened a couple times. The big one being that me and Scott went to do a trail and I left my son with my cousin who was his godmother. Myrtle called me since she was with my cousin and told me I needed to come back and get my kid. That I was a mom and I needed to be with him! We were in the middle of a trail! We may have left 25 minutes ago. It wasn’t a long trail at all but my son was small and this was very rocky and I didn’t want him getting shook about as we were climbing rocks. And I asked her if she wanted me to go through trees and rocks? Because we are right in the middle. And we were going to be done soon. She wasn’t happy with that. She kept calling, kept bothering us, hiking up my anxiety, mom shaming me. I take great care of my son! I’m with him all the time. I just wanted 1 hour to do something more grown up.

5) they do things to manipulate you

There’s a long list of times she has done things like this. My favorite was the time I was not phased and made her mad! She said when she got married next she was going to make my cousin her maid of honor and I was going to a bridesmaid (she wanted me to get jealous and fight for maid of honor) instead I sim said “ok if that makes you happy. It’s your day” my cousin confirmed later that she admitted she wanted me to be jealous 🤣🤣🤣🤣

6) whatever they have or don’t have, yours will always be better!

Talk about the grass is always greener on the other side. When I was dating in high school she asked my boyfriend if he thought she was hot and said that she thought he was hot. And then later down the road after I met Scott. We weren’t even dating and she told me to be done with him so she could have him.

Keep your good friends close and from the bad ones, take what you learned. I don’t understand what some people are so mean. But hopefully these lessons will help someone see through someone that isn’t good for them.

Peace love and happiness!

#friendship #toxicfriendship