3 tips for codependency
codependency stems from a place of wanting to rescue, help, and nurture others. codependents have good intentions. however, this can come at the expense of their mental health. codependent people can become frustrated and resentful with someone else. this happens when the other person doesn’t allow help or follow through with the expectations of the codependent, leaving them feeling disappointed. the codependent person often feels victimized after this, which leads to negative self-talk and feelings. this relationship dynamic is often seen with addicts, but can be relevant in other relationships too.
therapy can be helpful when navigating codependency. these are 3 things I have also found helpful:
1. journaling about where underlying feelings of codependency may stem from.
2. finding movement to release somatic tension, and enhance your overall well-being.
3. practice self care by doing things for yourself, by yourself.
It's funny, when I first heard the term 'fixer personality traits,' something just clicked for me. I realized that my well-meaning desire to help everyone, to solve all their problems, wasn't always healthy. It wasn't just about 'rescuing' others, as the article mentions; it was a deeply ingrained pattern of thinking I had to be the solution. If you're reading this, you might recognize that feeling too – that almost irresistible urge to step in, to offer advice, or even to take over when someone else is struggling. This often stems from a place of genuine care, but it can quickly spiral into codependency, leaving us feeling drained and resentful, just as my initial post describes. I learned that these 'fixer traits' often come from a subconscious belief that our worth is tied to how much we do for others. It’s like we’re constantly trying to earn love or validation by taking on burdens that aren't ours. For me, it was a subtle way of feeling in control, especially when my own life felt chaotic. But honestly, it only created more chaos internally. I remember moments feeling so frustrated when my 'fixes' weren't appreciated or didn't work out. I'd think, 'Why do I even bother?' – sound familiar? So, how do we start to unravel this? The three tips I shared earlier are a fantastic starting point, and I want to elaborate on how they specifically address those 'fixer personality traits.' Firstly, journaling your thoughts & feelings surrounding codependency (as the OCR also highlighted) became my absolute lifeline. Instead of just writing about general feelings, I started asking myself: 'Why do I feel compelled to fix this person’s problem right now? What am I hoping to gain from it? Am I avoiding something in my own life by focusing on theirs?' This deep dive helped me uncover those underlying motivations and begin to challenge them. It allowed me to truly 'journal my thoughts & feelings surrounding codependency,' which is crucial for self-awareness. Secondly, finding movement to release somatic tension helped me so much to 'get out my head & into my body' (another gem from the OCR!). When you're constantly carrying the emotional weight of others, your body holds onto that stress. For me, a brisk walk or even just stretching helped me release that physical tension and ground myself, making it easier to resist the urge to jump in and 'fix.' It was a way to process emotions without externalizing them onto someone else's problems. And finally, practicing self-care by doing things for yourself, by yourself is paramount. This isn't selfish; it's self-preservation. For years, I struggled to 'practice doing things for myself, by myself' because I felt guilty not helping others. But I realized that if I don't prioritize my own well-being, I have nothing left to give – and eventually, I’d just become resentful. This involves consciously choosing activities that nourish *you*, without any expectation of reciprocation or an audience. It's about learning to 'start caring for yourself' and less about 'controlling others,' as that book title in the OCR wisely puts it. Another critical piece I discovered on my journey was learning to set healthy boundaries. As fixers, we often blur the lines between our responsibilities and others'. Saying 'no' or allowing someone to experience the consequences of their choices, even when it's hard, is a powerful act of self-love and respect for the other person's agency. It allows them to grow and learn, just as we need to give ourselves space to do the same. Remember, you can offer support without taking ownership of their problems. It’s a journey, not a destination, and every small step toward healthier boundaries is a win.