EP04: The Double Standards of Love... 🤮
Context: They matched on a dating app and met for dinner for the first time. But the conversation took an unexpected turn. Here's her story:
Him: “You’ve been in any relationships before?”
Me: “Yeah?”
(me thinking: isn’t the question usually how many relationships have you been in before? cos sis here cute af ok hahaha ok anyway back to the story)
Him: “Oh… how many?”
Me: “3. What about you?”
Him: “8.”
Me: “oo hahaha but why do you look disappointed?”
Him: “Oh, nothing. I just… didn’t expect you to have any boyfriends before.”
(EXCUSE ME?????)
Me: “What do you mean?”
Him: “I thought you didn’t have any boyfriends before, that’s why I asked you out for dinner.”
Me: “So you want your girlfriend to have no dating experience? No exes?”
Him: “Preferably, yes.”
Me: “But you’ve dated before too. Why can you, but she can’t?”
Him: “Men and women are different. A man having experience means he has maturity. But a girl… I prefer someone pure. Innocent.”
Me: “So your experience makes you ‘matured/experienced’, but hers makes her what? Less worthy??”
He didn’t answer. I already wanted to leave the place, but me being nice I tried to continue the conversation.
Me: “What’s your thoughts about going public, e.g. telling your family/friends you’re in a relationship?”
Him: “I don’t think we need a high-profile announcement or anything.”
Me: “Fair enough, but what about your close friend’s circles?”
Him: “…I’d rather keep it private.”
Me: “Why tho?”
Him: “I have many female clients. If they know I’m taken, it might affect my business. And I don’t want my parents to know. They’ll start pushing me to marry. I’m not ready.”
I LOLed hard at this, I knew we were not on the same page the moment he mention about females relationship experience etc kind of nonsense but this just adds on hahaha.
Me: “So this relationship exists only when it benefits you. The moment it affects your work, your image, your convenience… she has to disappear?”
Him: “Even if we don’t make it public, I’ll still treat her well and make her happy.”
Me: “You want a girlfriend with no past. But you’re giving her a relationship with no future, no identity, no security. You want ‘pure love’, but your love is something you’re ashamed to let the world see…??”
- End of EP04: The Double Standards of Love -
📚 Reflection
Well… at least he was honest about his thoughts. I’m thankful I met him, because I ended up learning something new about people. The world is so big, and there really are all kinds of people out there..
Just keep your eyes open, know what you’re looking for, and stay true to it. Don’t let one strange experience stop you from dating!!
Reflecting on this experience, I've realized that double standards in dating aren’t just frustrating—they can deeply affect how we view ourselves and our worth. It's common for some men to claim maturity and experience as a positive trait for themselves, while expecting their partners to remain 'pure' or inexperienced. This isn't just unfair; it perpetuates harmful stereotypes about gender and relationships. In my journey, I learned that being honest about your past and understanding your worth is essential. If someone judges you harshly for your dating history but expects freedom for themselves, it's a red flag. Real love should be based on mutual respect, transparency, and acceptance of each other's histories. Also, secrecy in relationships, like avoiding introducing a partner to friends or family to protect one's image, often indicates a lack of commitment or respect. A healthy relationship should have space to grow openly without fears of judgment or insecurity. For anyone navigating online dating or real-life encounters, keep your eyes open for these double standards. Don't let someone's narrow views diminish your confidence. Instead, focus on finding a partner who values you wholly—not just an idea of who you should be. In the end, recognizing these patterns helps us set healthier boundaries and pursue relationships that truly honor our individuality and experiences.
Some guys are just plain bullshit LOL.