EP18: The Ex Who Said He Had No Temper
Her ex used to tell her he’s a total “love-brain”in a relationship, but truth is? Here’s her story:
People kept telling me: “When you meet a guy that says that? You should be careful.”
Back then, I didn’t understand. Now I do.
He said he treated all his ex-girlfriends so well, so well that they all ended up bullying him.
He even told me one of his ex-girlfriends hit him, and he still didn’t leave, because he was “too in love.”
I was naive, I believed him.
But two or three months after we got together, things started to feel wrong.
He did have a temper. A big one.
Every time we disagreed, even over something tiny, he would yell.
But the moment he calmed down, he’d deny everything.
He would say:
“That wasn’t me losing my temper. It was your fault. I reacted like that because I care about you too much.”
He was incredibly good with words, always twisting things around until I doubted myself.
He insisted, again and again, that everything he did was “for me.”
Whatever he wanted, whatever he decided, he would say:
“I only did it for you.”
Even when we went to eat his favorite restaurant, the place he loved before we even met, he would claim:
“I’m only eating this for you. I don’t even like it that much.”
Everything somehow became my fault or my responsibility.
Eventually, I couldn’t take it anymore. I broke up with him.
And even after the breakup, he messaged me:
“You’ll never find anyone who treats you better than I did.”
Navigating relationships with partners who display hidden anger issues can be a confusing and painful experience. Often, individuals may present themselves as caring or overly loving—like a “love-brain”—to mask their controlling or volatile behaviors. This story highlights common warning signs such as denial of temper, blaming the partner for conflicts, and using affection as a tool to manipulate. Recognizing emotional abuse is crucial. When anger erupts over small disagreements and is followed by denial or gaslighting, it can erode your self-confidence and sense of reality. The pattern of shifting blame with phrases like “I only did it for you” often serves to justify controlling actions and make the partner feel responsible for the abuser’s behavior. In healthy relationships, love is demonstrated with respect, trust, and consistent kindness—never through intimidation or blaming. Eating at a preferred restaurant but claiming it’s “only for you” could be a subtle manipulation tactic rather than genuine consideration. Over time, this behavior creates an imbalance where one partner feels accountable for the other's emotions or actions. If you recognize these signs in your relationship or friends’, it’s important to seek support. Talking with trusted people, counseling, or professional help can offer perspective and empowerment. Leaving a toxic relationship is often difficult, and it’s common for abusers to continue messaging with claims like “you’ll never find anyone better,” which is a manipulation to instill doubt and continue control even after separation. Remember, love should never demand tolerance of yelling, blame-shifting, or physical abuse. Healthy love supports growth, respect, and emotional safety. Stories like this remind us to trust our instincts and recognize red flags early to protect our well-being and build fulfilling, respectful relationships.
A lot of “love-brain” people have borderline NPD or straight up NPD. 戀愛腦的男人=脾氣大 戀愛腦的女人=情緒化 Either way both genders will be very very reactive. They have lower EQ cannot control or regulate their own emotions. And bonus, they will somehow always find fault in you and make it like they are doing you a favour for liking you/choosing you.