Do you believe in fate?
I have been single for two years. It was a difficult and painful break up and I have tried to heal since it happened-in therapy, dancing, exercise, working on myself, practicing self-love, reading, meditation, everything you could possibly think of.
Last week, I had two instances where I thought fate was pointing to someone. The first instance was at dance when I was rescheduled at the last minute for that day and I saw him at the studio for the first time. I wanted to introduce myself but I had an anxiety attack and had to leave.
The second time I was supposed to go on a trip to upstate New York, but a snow storm brought 18 inches of snow to the resort and my trip was cancelled at the last minute, prompting me to go to the dance studio where he was participating in the same event I was.
I put myself out there, went out of my comfort zone, and introduced myself. I invited him to my table, where he sat all night. I smiled at him, and he smiled at me (I thought) while I was dancing. At the end of the night, I asked if he wanted to get a drink, and he said sure. We talked for nearly 2 hours and it was perfect. He was perfect, everything I’ve been looking for in a partner. He walked me to the car, hugged me, and I asked for his number. He said “uh sure”, so I said “you can say no if you want to” and he said “no it’s a yes” and then he hugged me again.
I left giddy, excited for what was to come and hopeful something would come from this. We texted on and off all this week, resulting in me asking if he would like to hang out this weekend.
And then he put me in the friend zone. He told me that he just wants to be friends, he’s only looking for friends.
And my heart broke.
Perhaps too soon, fine. But one must understand that I have been rejected so many times this year alone that I’ve lost count. I’ve encountered so many disappointing, disgusting, and discouraging rejections that I stupidly believed fate was pointing me in his direction and I fell for it. Silly me. Only to be rejected again.
So now what….how much longer am I supposed to be single? Who knows if I will ever get to have my happily ever after? I’m so upset and sad, I feel like a fool.
It’s very hard for me to have hope that anything will happen for me. I don’t know what to do anymore so now I’m assuming I’m destined to be alone, and I really really don’t want that to be the case.
Oh, my dear, reading your story hit me right in the feels. It's incredibly brave of you to share such a raw and vulnerable experience, and trust me, you are absolutely not alone in feeling this way. So many of us have been there, convinced that the universe is sending us a sign, only to have our hopes dashed. It's truly heartbreaking when you pour your heart into believing in a connection, especially after putting in so much work on yourself. The question 'Do you believe in fate?' is one that echoes in so many of our minds, particularly when we encounter those uncanny coincidences. It's natural to look for patterns, for "invisible strings" that seem to guide us towards something meaningful. Your two instances at the dance studio sounded so compelling, like something out of a movie! It's hard not to interpret those as signs of destiny at play. And when it doesn't pan out, the disappointment can feel almost existential, like fate itself has betrayed you. But here's a thought I've found helpful: maybe fate isn't about guaranteeing a specific outcome with a specific person. What if those 'fated' moments are more about guiding you to *yourself*? Those serendipitous encounters led you to step out of your comfort zone, to introduce yourself, to engage, and to feel that spark. That courage and openness? That's all *you*. It's a testament to how much you've grown and healed from your past breakup. You put yourself out there, and that's a huge victory, regardless of his response. Dealing with rejection after building such high hopes is incredibly tough. It's okay to feel upset, sad, and even a little foolish – those feelings are valid. Allow yourself to grieve the loss of what you thought could be. But please, don't let it diminish the incredible person you are or your capacity for love. Every rejection, as painful as it is, teaches us something: about ourselves, about what we truly want, and about our resilience. It's not a reflection of your worth. Instead of asking 'how much longer am I supposed to be single?' or 'will I ever get my happily ever after?', perhaps reframe the narrative. What if this experience is a stepping stone to an even deeper understanding of what truly makes you happy? Continue to lean into those things that help you heal – your therapy, dancing, exercise, self-love practices. Those aren't just distractions; they are investments in your future happiness, whether you're single or coupled. Regaining hope can feel like climbing a mountain, but it's possible. Start by celebrating the small victories – the fact that you introduced yourself, the engaging conversation you had, the feeling of hope itself, however fleeting. Remind yourself that love isn't a destination to be rushed to, but a journey with many twists and turns. Sometimes, the most 'fated' connections are the ones we build with ourselves, learning to trust our instincts and celebrate our own strength. Don't assume you're destined to be alone; assume you're destined for growth, joy, and eventually, a connection that truly aligns with your incredible spirit. Keep shining, Lemon8 fam!
