How I useInternal mom-guiltFor good.
I became a mom at 19 I had SEVERE trauma and was still working through how to live with borderline personality disorder as well as undiagnosed autism…it…was…ROUGH not to mention I was doing it all alone! This is a vulnerable and long post but if you need to feel seen or understood in the trenches of parenting I hope you find that here.
I learned a lot in those three years and healed more than I ever imagined possible …but… I knew absolutely nothing about parenting and remained emotionally absent for most of it. Through therapy I worked on myself and realized I hated the way I was raising my son and chose to start making changes.
In those first months after realizing I needed to change I was absolutely drowning in guilt. I felt so ashamed for using tv to pacify him and for not introducing him to foods and healthy options…among other things that I almost gave up…that is until I sat down and allowed myself to look at what I was feeling guilty about. The first step was accepting I had failed…but that failure wasn’t his entire life and it wasn’t my entire parenting journey. I then realized that in order to change I had to stop avoiding parenting and doing more than the minimum. I researched relentlessly parenting styles, childhood development, and everything I could find that was related. By the time we got his level 3 autism diagnosis I was feeling steadfast in my parenting…the guilt from his diagnosis came and I found that urge to run again…so instead I wrote about it. I wrote about my fears and guilts and came out the other side knowing that I didn’t really fear his diagnosis but feared not measuring up to his needs.
That little baby is 5 now and I use those same tactics when the guilt gets big. I hold myself accountable with my husband and with my children when I fail and I tell them (for us all) that we can make mistakes and feel sad but those mistakes aren’t who we are. A moment doesn’t have to carry our eternity. And we continue pushing for ourselves and for each other…this foster kid found family…it just took a special needs blonde headed boy to bring me there.
#parentingtips #autism #specialneedsparenting #parentingjourney #parenting
Mom guilt is a deeply common struggle faced by many mothers, especially young moms navigating the complexities of parenting with added challenges such as trauma, mental health issues, and caring for children with special needs like autism. Understanding and accepting mom guilt is a crucial step toward building a healthier parenting mindset. Research shows that mom guilt often stems from unrealistic societal expectations and the pressure to be a perfect parent. It can manifest in feelings of shame for choices made, such as pacifying children with TV or concerns over food choices. However, reframing mom guilt as a catalyst for introspection and growth rather than a source of self-criticism can empower moms to make meaningful changes. For parents of children diagnosed with level 3 autism, the journey can bring additional layers of guilt and fear, often tied to concerns about meeting their child’s unique needs. Educational resources on childhood development and parenting styles that focus on special needs can provide guidance and reassurance. Moreover, therapy and support communities offer safe spaces to process these emotions and find strength. Accountability practices, like sharing parenting struggles openly with partners and children, help break down the stigma of failure, showing that mistakes are moments to learn from rather than defining traits. Emphasizing open communication fosters resiliency within the family unit. This story highlights that overcoming mom guilt involves acceptance of past challenges without allowing them to dictate the future. By transforming guilt into informed action and ongoing effort, mothers can nurture not only their children’s growth but also their own healing and empowerment. Ultimately, mom guilt struggles are real, but with mindful strategies and support, they can be used for good—leading to healthier families and fulfilled parents.