Sucker for love
For some time now, I’ve been aching and feeling like I want more. I’m looking for more. I want to be more for myself. Some days i am good and happy, content if you will. Other days, I’m a little gloomy, a little tired, still content but just not a “chipper”.
Some days I want to put myself out there. Other days I want to be quiet and left alone. Does all of this make me a bad person? Too rotten to be deserved better?
Reading through these feelings, it really hit home. It's so easy to question ourselves when our emotions feel like a tangled mess, isn't it? That push and pull between wanting more and feeling content, or craving connection yet needing solitude – it’s a classic sign that you’re experiencing what many of us call 'complex emotions.' These aren't just simple happy or sad feelings; they're layers of different emotions all mixed together, and honestly, they can be super confusing. For a long time, I used to beat myself up for not feeling perfectly 'one thing' or another. But I've learned that these layered feelings are completely normal and part of being human. Think about it: when you feel 'bittersweet,' it’s a mix of joy and sadness. When you're 'ambivalent,' you’re holding two opposing feelings about something at the same time – like wanting to put yourself out there but also wanting to be left alone. Sound familiar? That's exactly what you described! Other complex emotions that often pop up include 'longing' – that deep ache for something more, even if you can't quite pinpoint what it is. Or 'melancholy,' which is a thoughtful sadness, often without a clear trigger, much like those gloomy, tired days you mentioned. Even 'gratitude' can be complex when mixed with a sense of vulnerability or past hardship. So, what do we do when our emotional landscape feels so rich and at times, overwhelming? For me, the first step was simply acknowledging them without judgment. Instead of asking, "Am I too rotten?" I started asking, "What is this feeling trying to tell me?" Here are a few things that have helped me navigate my own complex emotional 'list': Journaling: Writing down exactly how I feel, no matter how contradictory, helps me untangle the threads. Sometimes just seeing it on paper makes it less intimidating. Self-Compassion: Treat yourself like you'd treat a friend experiencing these feelings. Give yourself grace. It's okay to not be "chipper" every day. Mindful Observation: Instead of getting swept away, try to notice the feelings as they arise. "Oh, there's that wave of wanting to be social, and here comes the urge to retreat." Just observing can create a little space. Connect with Others (When You're Ready): Sharing these raw, complex feelings, even just with one trusted person, can be incredibly validating. You’ll often find you’re not alone. Embrace the Nuance: Life isn't always black and white, and neither are our emotions. Learning to sit with the grey areas, the "both/and" rather than "either/or" of our feelings, can be a profound step towards inner peace. It's a journey, not a destination, to understand our inner worlds. But by acknowledging these complex emotions, we take a huge step towards self-acceptance and truly being more for ourselves.


























































