Broken Not Yet Broke
I’m Just Being Honest with Y’all
I’ve always been the strong one. The motivator. The caregiver. The one who holds everything together for everybody else. But right now, I feel like I’m falling apart, and I need to be honest with my fambam about what I’m going through.
Since my car accident in 2023, everything has felt like a constant uphill battle. Every step forward feels like a million steps back. I’m battling Keratoconus, intracranial hypertension, depression, anxiety, and so much more. I’ve been eating a lot, sleeping even more, and honestly, I feel stuck in a cycle I can’t seem to break.
I sleep late—sometimes not until 5 or 6 in the morning—and I don’t wake up until 12 or 1 in the afternoon. My home, the space I created for my content and creativity, now feels more like a prison. I barely leave my desk or bed. It’s just me, scrolling and watching everyone else live their lives while I feel stuck in mine.
My so-called best friend even told me I’ve turned my home into my prison, and it stung because, deep down, I know it’s true. We got into it the day after my birthday, and it just added to the weight I’m already carrying. I’ve always believed that some of the virtual connections I’ve made were real, but moments like this make me question who really loves and supports me.
And then there’s my faith. I love God—I will shout that from the mountaintop. I believe in Him, I believe in Jesus, and I know He’s real. But I feel disconnected. I used to listen to gospel music nonstop, pray every day, read the Word, and feel His presence in everything I did. Now? I don’t feel it. It’s like loving someone deeply but not feeling the butterflies anymore. I’m holding on to my faith because I know God hasn’t given up on me, but I just feel…empty.
I turned 36 recently. I’m single, not a mom, and nowhere near where I thought I’d be by now. By 40, I wanted to be married with a child. But life doesn’t follow our plans—it follows God’s plan. I know that. But it’s still hard not to feel like I’ve failed.
I don’t want to die. I don’t want to leave this earth. I want to live. But right now, I feel like a robot, just going through the same routine every day. My mind knows what I need to do—create, build, connect—but my heart and soul feel blank. Sometimes, I literally have to stop and listen to my heartbeat to remind myself that I’m alive because I feel like a walking shell.
Even my therapy baby, Daisy, is starting to feel the weight of my struggles. She barks to get me out of bed, and I know without her, I might not even get up some days. But I’ve found myself losing patience with her, which makes me feel even worse. I love her so much, and she’s my reason to get up and move—but some days, even taking her outside feels like too much.
To my fambam, thank you for being patient with me. I know I haven’t been posting or going live like I used to, but I’m trying. I don’t want y’all to give up on me because I haven’t given up on myself. Therapy is helping, but it’s a process, and I’m just asking for your prayers as I keep pushing through.
This post isn’t about asking for sympathy—it’s about being real. I know someone out there feels the same way, and I want you to know you’re not alone. We’ll get through this, step by step.
I love y’all more than you know. Thank you for standing by me, and I’ll keep fighting to come back stronger.
#LifeAfterTrauma
#StrongerEveryDay
#SelfLoveJourney
#ItGetsBetter
#GodsPlan
#TakingItDayByDay
#FambamSupport
#RealAndRaw
#PushingThrough
Life after trauma can feel overwhelming, and it's essential to acknowledge the struggles we face on this journey. Many individuals navigating similar battles may experience feelings of isolation and disconnection from their passions and goals. Engaging in therapy can be a pivotal step towards healing. It provides a safe space for individuals to express their emotions, reconcile their experiences, and forge new pathways for growth. The sense of mental and emotional fatigue often manifests in physical ways, creating a cycle that's hard to break. Simple tasks can seem monumental, making it difficult to find motivation or joy in daily life. However, small acts of self-care can offer profound benefits, such as taking walks, journaling, or spending quality time with loved ones or pets, like therapy animals that often provide the comfort we crave. Incorporating faith into the healing process can also play a vital role. Connecting with spiritual practices, engaging with uplifting gospel music, or participating in community support can help restore one's sense of purpose and belonging. It can foster a renewed sense of hope and encouragement, reminding us that we are never truly alone. As we share our stories, we build a community of support, reminding each other that vulnerability can lead to strength. Whether through social media platforms or local support groups, reaching out can invite healing into our lives. Let us encourage one another, knowing that together, we can emerge stronger from our trials, step by step.