Somewhere along the way, I stopped choosing myself
For a long time, I thought I was just a selfless person.
I checked on everyone else.
Made space for everyone else’s feelings.
Remembered what everyone else needed.
And I rarely stopped to ask myself what I needed.
At first, it felt like kindness.
But eventually I realized that constantly putting myself last wasn’t always selflessness.
Sometimes it was a belief I didn’t even know I was carrying:
That everyone else’s needs mattered more than mine.
Healing has been teaching me that caring for others and caring for myself can exist at the same time.
My needs matter too 🤍
For many of us, the idea of selflessness can seem like a noble virtue—putting others first often feels like kindness and generosity. However, I've come to realize through personal experience that there's a fine line between being selfless and neglecting one’s own needs. I used to believe that always prioritizing everyone else's feelings and needs was the right thing to do, but this mindset quietly erased my sense of self-worth and led me to ignore what I truly required to thrive emotionally. Throughout my healing journey, I learned that true self-compassion doesn’t mean being selfish or disregarding others’ needs; instead, it means acknowledging that my own needs are just as important. Allowing myself to say "no" or to take time for self-care felt uncomfortable at first because I feared it might diminish my kindness or affect my relationships negatively. But gradually, I witnessed how setting healthy boundaries opened the door to deeper connections because I approached others from a place of wholeness rather than depletion. The realization that "everyone else’s needs mattered more than mine" was a limiting belief I carried unconsciously. Acting on this belief led to burnout, emotional exhaustion, and a loss of identity. Healing showed me that caring for others and caring for myself can coexist harmoniously. This balance has improved my emotional health, increased my resilience, and enriched my interactions with those I care about. For anyone who finds themselves caught in the cycle of constantly putting themselves last, I encourage you to pause and reflect on your own needs. Value your feelings and honor them openly. Practicing self-compassion isn’t a selfish act; it’s a vital step toward achieving emotional wellness and a fulfilling life. Remember, healing is not linear, and it’s okay to take time to choose yourself again and again. Your needs matter, and embracing this truth is a profound form of kindness you deserve to give yourself.
