People can be safe
I used to think that everyone in the world was bad.
That they were going to hurt me, abandon me, betray me or generally abuse me if I truly let them in.
And I had good reason to feel this way because up until my mid-twenties that had been my reality.
Friends, boyfriends, teachers/mentors, even family had all shown me time and time again that no one in this world could be trusted.
It would all just end up bad, leaving me feeling horrible about myself and wondering why no one loved me or wanted to be kind to me.
I remember often asking myself, “what’s wrong with me? Why can’t I have these loving people in my life like everyone else? Why does everyone hurt me? Leave me? Torture me like this?”
And at a certain point, I felt hopeless. Like I shouldn’t even be here anymore because there was nothing to live for.
I know I’m not alone in this experience— especially when it comes to other childhood trauma/cPTSD survivors.
When we grow up having these experiences where we are constantly abused, mistreated and neglected our brain builds a blueprint that tells us that this is normal. This is what we can expect from everyone in the world.
It also trains us to be familiar with these kinds of toxic dynamics, which we then unconsciously seek over and over again because the brain and nervous system crave the familiar— even when it hurts us.
The logic of the brain and nervous system is: “Better the devil I know than the devil I don’t.”
So after the initial traumas we experience as children, we are then driven to continuously (and unconsciously) seek out similar types of people/dynamics, which leads to more trauma and then reaffirms the beliefs we already have about no one being safe, us being unlovable, and the world being dangerous.
But we can break this cycle.
The world is actually full of people who are good. Who want to love us right. Who want to care for us and be our safe space.
We just have to learn how to discern who they are, and train our brain and body to feel safe with them because those dynamics and people are the “unknown”.
I did it, and I know you can too.
👉🏼 DM me ‘HEAL’ & let’s set you up with a plan to reclaim your power today.
For many childhood trauma and cPTSD survivors, the fight to feel safe in relationships can be daunting. Having faced betrayal and abandonment, it is common to anticipate that all connections will lead to pain. Understanding this dynamic is crucial for healing. The brain often develops a blueprint, expecting that familiar patterns of abuse are the norm. However, the journey to rebuilding a sense of safety begins with recognizing these patterns and learning to identify healthier dynamics. Therapeutic approaches, including cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and trauma-informed care, can aid individuals in reframing their expectations and beliefs regarding relationships. Creating a safe space where vulnerability is accepted is essential. Practicing self-love and self-compassion is crucial in challenging negative perceptions of oneself that arise from toxic interactions. Establishing boundaries and fostering trust with new individuals can help break this cycle of trauma. With support and guidance, survivors can cultivate healthy connections where love and kindness truly exist, reaffirming their worthiness of positive relationships. Reach out for support, and remember: healing is possible.
