I crave someone who has emotional depth
helu zesties ~ ✨️
I stumbled upon this post recently on substack, and it really spoke to me.
"Don't match my freak, match my yearning" by Thee Book Club, you can read the full post on substack!
I posted a snippet of it to hook yall hahha, because I think we should all read it. (My screenshot may have missing liners here and there)
I'm gnna use it for self reflection and... how I have been experiencing these in my life.
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The gist of the post, is about how we crave closeness, but we identify it with things that were simply not meant to last... these things were simply not how emotional connections should be based on. For example, money, material things, height, looks, status etc.
Of course they do matter to an extent, but in the world of dating apps... it made us so superficial, whatever happened to casual chitchats with people in cafes, talking about nothing or everything. We don't force an outcome for these interactions and sometimes it blossoms into friendships.
In seeking the perfect person and chasing the idea of freedom or our careers, we put aside meaningful connections and became so isolated.
I was of course a victim to that thinking as well. a checklist. If they had all these it would be perfect.
But the truth is... after all my dating experiences, the ones that truly mattered are those that saw me for who I am, that enjoyed my company and talking to me. Sometimes they were just a chapter of my life, but they still left a piece of themselves with me, deep conversations, truly vibing, learning something new from them.
I took a long time to realise love isn't about control or having a specific journey to follow. Its simply about being present, being yourself, if they vibe with you great and if they don't its okay.
I do crave for a connection that would wake that yearning again.. someone that is on my level mentally and could just bounce off my energy. I did meet a few people like that here and there and I'm still friends with some of them, but yea its been kinda rare nowadays compared to in the past 🤔
I feel kinda alone i guess, that I can't really find people that match my depth romantically.
BUT i do have great friends that match my emotional depth and I will forever be grateful for finding them :3
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Fav takeaway from the post:
"It's not impressive to crave a body when you don't even know its grief."
why?
The guys I have dated recently, all.. doesnt seem to truly see me and I don't feel understood or seen with them. It seems like I have to overexplain myself to them, and they want things to go so fast '-' I want someone to vibe with and sit with and if we can consistently do that, things will naturally fall into place no? Whatever happened to slow burn love 🥺
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2nd fav part:
"I am not hard to want. But I am hard to hold. Hard to know. Hard to feel close to.
Match my yearning. Match my mind. Match my conversation.
Match my desire to be understood.
...
What storms could we survive together?"
A lot of people talk about settling, and me having high standards, but... you are meant to love someone that truly speaks to your soul no?
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I guess this post just reflects that complexity that I have been trying to express.
The past 3 guys I dated kept holding me against this, that I contradict myself sometimes, but they didn't understand me... I'm not a logical math problem to be trapped in a box, to be labelled and to be how they expect me to be 24/7 365 days.. I'm a person that jus wanna be weird sometimes and also accepted as I am😵🫠
This post highlights staying open to connections, but also being picky and choosing people that you truly align with on a soul level.
I do feel like lots of people think about connections or relationships in a very black and white way, but there's so much layers to it.
There's so much contradictions as humans and this post reflected it perfectly.
Here's some examples of contradictions as hoomans and its totally normal, so the next time someone make you feel bad about yourself being confused or messy or still figuring shit out, remember this post!
🧠 Eg of Emotional contradictions:
Wanting intimacy but fearing vulnerability
Craving connection but pushing people away
Wanting to be seen, but hiding your real self
Needing reassurance, but hating to ask for it
Feeling everything deeply, but pretending you're fine
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Soo go read it if you have been craving some emotional depth hahha, hope yall enjoyed my random deep thoughts 👀🤔
In a world dominated by instant gratification, I’ve often felt the ache of craving a connection that isn’t shallow or fleeting. It’s easy to get caught up in the quick ‘likes’ and surface-level chats that leave your heart wanting something more substantial. From my own journey, I noticed that the most fulfilling relationships weren’t about ticking off checkboxes or impressing with status—they were about genuine conversation, emotional safety, and the willingness to be vulnerable. The depth I seek isn’t just romantic; it’s about souls meeting and respecting each other’s complexities and contradictions. I’ve realized that emotional immediacy, that rush to know and be known instantly, often strips connections of their richness. True yearning involves patience, the slow unfolding of trust, and shared moments where we don’t force anything but allow things to grow organically. Many of us fear vulnerability, so we push people away even while craving closeness. This paradox can be confusing, but it’s normal and human. I’ve learned it’s okay to want intimacy yet feel guarded—recognizing this helps me be kinder to myself and more open to others. The words from the Substack post I encountered struck a chord: "Don’t match my freak, match my yearning." It captures the essence of wanting to be held not just physically but emotionally and mentally. I want someone who listens, who understands the storms I’ve weathered, and who values slow-burn love that lasts decades, not just a momentary spark. Ultimately, seeking emotional depth means choosing connections that nourish your soul and accepting that not everyone will meet you there, and that’s okay. I’m grateful for the friends and rare romantic moments where this kind of belonging feels real. For anyone else craving such depth, it’s worth staying open and patient — the right connection might surprise you when you least expect it.
This post came at a great time for me!! Join my new project to try a new way to connect with people hahah