how to actually date on dating apps 🧐
helu zesties,
Came across the gov dating app post recently which was kinda funny hahha, it kinda means that... the dating scene is so shit right now that they feel like they have to do something about it.
But tbh can you blame us when... we were taught to have everything, to know and perfect everything before we are able to "date" or have someone.
The truth is true love isn't built on control, its built from connection, vulnerability, authenticity. Everything that we were not taught from when we were younger, we were forced to just be a study machine and follow the script, to push on even when you hate it, to surpress your own emotions even when its not something you want. Through the values of *discipline*, *obedience* and *hard work* we lose our sense of self or simply didn't get to explore that.
I remember when I was in secondary school boy girl relationships were *banned* but I still had one(im lowkey rebellious and hate following the rules) and he taught me so much about love, connecting with someone, what a healthy connection could look like - I came from a broken family since young and never got the chance to witness any of that. Soooo I'm thankful for my first love, although as we grew up, I kinda knew what kind of person I needed and..I knew what we had was not aligned with my future.
A person that grew up with love can't be with someone that grew up in survival, and.. we slowly grew apart due to wrong timing, different life values, phases and wanting different things.
---
Well that was kinda heavy but since we are all adults now, here's a list of questions for yourself and your date to filter out whats truly compatible between yall ~
PREP WORK
1. Learn more about yourself first, enjoy your own company, find out what you love first
2. Take care of yourself, eat well, develop your own style of dressing
3. List down values you would want in someone, (not the material or the superficial ones, but character and personaility wise)
4. Go meet people, talk to people without expectations to settle down immediately! Find out what you want and don't want in a person
5. Love your own life first
----
Now.. onto how to filter your dates
1. Always ask about their intentions upfront, why they are on the app
2. Ask questions, be genuinely curious about who they are as people (if they are boring or dry... you can gently filter them out if its not what you can tahan in a person)
3. Date intentionally, only go out with those with common interests and values as you. ( My rule of thumb is... if I feel excited texting them after 3 days I will usually meet them)
4. Accept that rejection is part of the process, if they don't feel the same way its okay to move on and go back to enjoying your life.
---
Questions that helped me filter people real fast -
It really depends on what matters to you in a life partner.
Eg. you value healthy living habits, ask them if they work out, what their hobbies are... etc.
For me I value someone with a lot of depth or emotional maturity because I been through alot in life, usually I will ask them to share stories about their lives and what they have learnt from it.
I also value intellectual convos soo I will ask them what they nerd about, what they like to learn about etc.
My deal breaker is... avoidants.
So usualllly I will observe by what happens when we have conflicts, it can be something damn small. If they have avoidant traits I will usually... leave after observing it for around 2-3 months.
---
First Dates
I like to keep things casual on first dates tbh.
Coffee, Ice cream - Cap it at 2hours, its a good way to pace the connection as well. For me I feel like usually I need a buffer to process my feelings after each date and for the connection to grow more naturally. I don't think you should immediately like someone after just the first date. (and fancy first dates feels quite love bomby, it doesn't help you to see that person clearly, only boring dates do - i have been on dates with very rich humans soo... i think money shouldnt be looked at entirely, you won't be happy if they are generally a horrible human)
Its for you to find out more about that person - their vibes, the way they talk, the way they carry themselves.
---
Well, hope this was useful.
happi dating hopefully - i feel like the world would be a better place if people just showed up genuinely and continued working on themselves internally.
Navigating the world of dating apps can often feel overwhelming, but having a grounded approach makes all the difference. One key aspect I’ve learned is that dating is less about rushing and more about genuinely understanding yourself and the other person. Before jumping into conversations, take time to enjoy your own company and identify what truly matters to you in a partner. This self-awareness helps in recognizing compatible matches rather than chasing superficial qualities. When talking to potential dates, asking clear and honest questions about their intentions can help avoid misunderstandings. For example, it’s totally fine to ask why they are on the app and what they hope to find. This simple step often filters out those who aren’t aligned with your dating goals early on. Additionally, being attentive to their communication style and emotional openness gives insight into their personality—qualities that matter far more than just looks or common interests. From personal experience, I’ve noticed that pacing first dates in casual settings like coffee shops or ice cream spots creates a comfortable atmosphere for both parties. Limiting the time to about two hours helps keep the connection light and allows you to process your feelings afterward. It’s important not to feel pressured to like someone immediately; connection often deepens over time. Also, observing how someone handles small conflicts or discomfort reveals a lot about their emotional maturity. Avoidant behaviors can be deal breakers for me because healthy relationships require openness and the ability to work through challenges together. Finally, rejection is part of the process—not a reflection of your worth. Each interaction is an opportunity to learn more about yourself and what you want. Embracing vulnerability and staying authentic are essential steps towards finding that real connection that most dating apps seem to lack. Keep being genuine, and remember to love your own life first.
