how to actually date on dating apps 🧐
helu zesties,
Came across the gov dating app post recently which was kinda funny hahha, it kinda means that... the dating scene is so shit right now that they feel like they have to do something about it.
But tbh can you blame us when... we were taught to have everything, to know and perfect everything before we are able to "date" or have someone.
The truth is true love isn't built on control, its built from connection, vulnerability, authenticity. Everything that we were not taught from when we were younger, we were forced to just be a study machine and follow the script, to push on even when you hate it, to surpress your own emotions even when its not something you want. Through the values of *discipline*, *obedience* and *hard work* we lose our sense of self or simply didn't get to explore that.
I remember when I was in secondary school boy girl relationships were *banned* but I still had one(im lowkey rebellious and hate following the rules) and he taught me so much about love, connecting with someone, what a healthy connection could look like - I came from a broken family since young and never got the chance to witness any of that. Soooo I'm thankful for my first love, although as we grew up, I realised what kind of person I needed and..slowly we realised what we had was not aligned with each others values.
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Well that was kinda heavy but since we are all adults now, here's a list of questions for yourself and your date to filter out whats truly compatible between yall ~
PREP WORK
1. Learn more about yourself first, enjoy your own company, find out what you love first
2. Take care of yourself, eat well, develop your own style of dressing
3. List down values you would want in someone, (not the material or the superficial ones, but character and personaility wise)
4. Go meet people, talk to people without expectations to settle down immediately! Find out what you want and don't want in a person
5. Love your own life first
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Now.. onto how to filter your dates
1. Always ask about their intentions upfront, why they are on the app
2. Ask questions, be genuinely curious about who they are as people (if they are boring or dry... you can gently filter them out if its not what you can tahan in a person)
3. Date intentionally, only go out with those with common interests and values as you. ( My rule of thumb is... if I feel excited texting them after 3 days I will usually meet them)
4. Accept that rejection is part of the process, if they don't feel the same way its okay to move on and go back to enjoying your life.
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Questions that helped me filter people real fast -
It really depends on what matters to you in a life partner.
Eg. you value healthy living habits, ask them if they work out, what their hobbies are... etc.
For me I value someone with a lot of depth or emotional maturity because I been through alot in life, usually I will ask them to share stories about their lives and what they have learnt from it.
I also value intellectual convos soo I will ask them what they nerd about, what they like to learn about etc.
My deal breaker is... avoidants.
So usualllly I will observe by what happens when we have conflicts, it can be something damn small. If they have avoidant traits I will usually... leave after observing it for around 2-3 months.
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First Dates
I like to keep things casual on first dates tbh.
Coffee, Ice cream - Cap it at 2hours, its a good way to pace the connection as well. For me I feel like usually I need a buffer to process my feelings after each date and for the connection to grow more naturally. I don't think you should immediately like someone after just the first date. (and fancy first dates feels quite love bomby, it doesn't help you to see that person clearly, only boring dates do - i have been on dates with very rich humans soo... i think money shouldnt be looked at entirely, you won't be happy if they are generally a horrible human)
Its for you to find out more about that person - their vibes, the way they talk, the way they carry themselves.
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Well, hope this was useful. Take what resonates, leave what doesn't all these are just from my own perspective.
happi dating hopefully - i feel like the world would be a better place if people just showed up genuinely and continued working on themselves internally.
Dating apps can often feel overwhelming and superficial, but approaching them with genuine curiosity and clear intentions can make all the difference. From my personal experience, the key step starts with embracing vulnerability and being honest about what you want and need in a relationship. Before diving into dating, I found it crucial to spend time getting to know myself—discovering what truly makes me happy and what kind of partner aligns with my values. When engaging with matches, I always recommend focusing on conversation quality over quantity. Meaningful questions about life experiences, emotional growth, and interests often reveal deeper compatibility than surface-level chats. For instance, asking about hobbies or lessons learned from past challenges can show emotional maturity, a quality I highly value. Additionally, managing expectations is vital. Not every match will lead to a connection, and rejection is simply part of the process. Being able to move past it without losing self-confidence helps maintain a positive outlook on dating. Another insight is to keep first dates simple and casual, such as coffee or ice cream meetups limited to a couple of hours. This setting allows you to observe the person’s demeanor and energy without pressure. It’s important to remember that elaborate or love-bombing first dates often cloud clear judgment. Lastly, paying attention to conflict styles and communication patterns early on can indicate long-term potential. Avoidant traits, for example, might cause issues later — observing these behaviors patiently over months can inform decision-making on continuing the relationship. Ultimately, dating on apps becomes more fulfilling when you show up authentically, communicate openly, and continuously work on personal growth. These approaches not only improve your chances of finding a meaningful partner but also enrich your own life journey.
