Merry Christmas, ya filthy animal

Does anybody else feel stuck today?

Or just… like a real Grinch?

I didn’t grow up celebrating holidays, but I always longed for that big happy family, everybody together type of love. And even when I did get a chance to experience that, I noticed I get a lot of anxiety. Being around unfamiliar people that I’m supposed to call family feels uncomfortable for me. I don’t always know my role, and my body just feels on edge.

So I usually choose to be away on holidays.

Not because I don’t care—because it’s easier for my nervous system.

The one person I would actually want to spend the holidays with is working double shifts today. I’m also not really excited about the New Year. The last few years have been really challenging… heartbreak, family health scares, close-to-death moments. I’m honestly just ready for this year to be over.

Normally I’m very inspiring around New Year’s. Vision boards, motivation, mindset shifts. But this year I don’t feel any of that.

I’m a new person.

I’m still getting to know myself.

There’s no old version of me to go back to, but I still feel pieces of her sometimes.

Finances haven’t been the best, but I made it through. I’ve been an entrepreneur since I was 22, and now at 31 I’m finally thinking seriously about my future and what stability looks like for me. My brother and I were both entrepreneurs until he took a job he actually loves, and it made me reflect differently on my own path.

This is how I feel on Christmas Day.

Not sad.

Not happy.

Just honest.

If you’re feeling similar today, you’re not alone #Lemon8Diary

#HolidayFeels

#SoftSeason

#RealLifeReflections

#UGotMeTwisted