We surveyed 3000 husbands about what they wanted more of in marriage.
The majority said "to be desired" not sex, but to feel desired and wanted. This is what husbands want, for their wife to initiate, but all of them agreed they want intimate loving sex, not just sex.
This comes from kindness, effort and loyalty in marriage, from feeling close to each other. so we really want the exact same things. We need to break the disconnect down. If you are a loyal and committed spouse, and want a better marriage and are willing to put in the effort, use these questions on each of the slides and communicate with each other about both your needs.
They are both important. Need help? Our book and convo starters "Let's talk about Sex" in our shop is so helpful because we talk about 20 things wives wished their husband knew and 20 things husbands wished their wives knew from emotional intimacy to sexual intimacy to foreplay. Each chapter will give you questions to get talking and start connecting in every area of intimacy!
shop.ultimateintimacy.com
Based on my experience and the insights shared by many couples, one of the most surprising yet vital lessons is that emotional intimacy lays the foundation for a fulfilling sexual relationship. Husbands often express that beyond physical intimacy, they crave to feel genuinely desired and emotionally valued by their wives. This desire to be wanted isn't merely about the act of sex; it’s about the emotional context that makes intimacy meaningful. In my relationship journey, I found that small gestures of appreciation and acts of kindness throughout the day foster a sense of connection that deepens intimacy. For example, noticing and voicing appreciation when your spouse puts effort into the relationship, or asking open-ended questions like "When do you feel most emotionally connected to me?" can open meaningful dialogue. This leads to a better understanding of each other's emotional needs, reducing feelings of distance or rejection. Emotional disappointment often grows subtly over time when one partner feels unseen or that their efforts go unnoticed. I've learned that proactive communication, including expressing physical and emotional needs clearly and without expectation for mind reading, is crucial. Discussing topics like what makes each partner feel loved outside the bedroom enhances how both experience intimacy together. Moreover, addressing past hurts and acknowledging their impact on present feelings can rebuild trust and emotional safety, which are critical for intimate connections. A relationship where both partners feel safe to share vulnerabilities tends to flourish with kindness, loyalty, and a true sense of partnership. Utilizing tools such as conversation starters or guided questions—as mentioned in resources like "Let's Talk About Sex"—can help initiate these conversations. They encourage couples to explore emotional and sexual intimacy topics, from foreplay to respect and rest, in a structured yet loving way. Ultimately, keeping expectations balanced and setting realistic emotional "bars" help prevent resentment or disconnection. Through shared effort and attentive listening, couples can transform their emotional and physical relationship into a deeper, more satisfying union.