it’s cool to learn and grow

i was roughly three months into my 18 month mission when i realized i wouldn’t stay in this church.

i was born into a family that attended church four times a week up to three hours at a time. i took four years of religious seminary followed by four more years of religious institution studies.

i’ve read the bible through over 40 times. truly, name a scripture and i can tell you where to find it. my favorite memories are of the times i focused on color coding the acts of christ and specific words.

i loved my studies. i loved being assured of what i knew.

my mission started hard. the details why arent my current focus though.

it’s when i realized i needed to get out and had no where to go.

this is the moment when a high demand religion starts looking like a cult. i didn’t know who i was or what i liked to wear. i didn’t know what to drink or if i wanted to be smooching women. i didn’t have the opportunities to get to know me. what even made me tick?! was i actually kind or just made meek??

so when it was time for me to leave i didn’t know where to go. they want this.

i grew. i know now it’s wrong to uphold billion dollar corporations built on oppressing others.

i got lucky. (tbh. i’m a very lucky person.)

things are becoming more obvious. we know there is a lot waking up.

i can’t imagine starting my deconstruction process over again or starting it now. it’s a lot. it is hard. i get it.

if you’re feeling the pull to learn the truths of what your spirit might need. i’m proud of you. it is hard.

the coolest humans i know recognize when they’ve learned and grown. so if you’re in it, keep going.

it is so cool

#deconstructingreligion #deconstruction #embracevulnerability #Lemon8Diary #exmormon