The love I never thought I was worthy of.

MAMAS! Let this be your sign.

• to let go.

• to not be afraid of love.

• to leave.

• to start over.

• to find yourself again.

• to breathe.

•(most importantly) to love yourself again.

This type of love exists. It’s rare, but it’s out there. This man has stepped in and stepped out when he didn’t have to. He loves my babies like they are his own. EVERYDAY, he 𝒞𝒽ℴℴ𝓈ℯ𝓈 to love THREE children he didn’t make. THREE! Like I can’t emphasize that enough. It’s a life that can be stressful and chaotic but he handles it all with such patience and compassion for them. Not a single day goes by where he doesn’t amaze me.

This isn’t a “honeymoon” phase either. Yes we’re over a year into our relationship, but we were friends for 12 years. Since day one of being together it’s felt unbelievable—magical even. Every day. Even on our days where we aren’t doing our best, we show up for each other and communicate things through in a way that almost seems unreal. The communication, patience, gentleness, emotional connection, and healing this man shows me everyday is something I never knew I could have or be worthy of having.

As a mama of 3 I thought I would never find love again.

Who wants a mom of three? Honestly it wasn’t just that, it was that my whole life I was in a mindset of never being “worthy” or “enough” to be loved by someone great. As if that’s not enough to make me scared to ever try dating again, but who is ever going to want someone who was seen as “broken” because of the horrendous childhood trauma I endured.

To be honest, yes I was broken. I never knew what true love was supposed to feel like. Worst of all, I was never shown how to love myself or never thought that I should love myself because according to everyone there’s nothing “worthy” to love about myself.

So I repeated my parents cycles. My mother married the abusive alcoholic and eventually I was on the same path. That’s what I grew up seeing, that’s what I thought was love.

However, in the last 2 years of that 13 year chapter, I gave birth to a little girl. My first and only baby girl. All I could think to myself was “if she’s being exposed to all of this abuse, she’s going to end up in the same situation I did.”

the more I repeated that to myself, those words started to change something in me.

I wanted out. I didn’t want my daughter to grow up in the same environment I did. Having the same fears, self-doubt, lack of self-worth, and feeling completely hopeless and worthless was something I couldn’t stomach “accepting” as a life for my baby girl. Therapy helped me start to have some sort of support system. Therapy showed me how to start loving myself. Now going on almost 4 years of therapy, it’s still the best thing I did for myself to get to where I am now.

It wasn’t quick, it was easy, it wasn’t anything I thought I would ever be able to do especially with the financial abuse, the lack of energy, the fear and threats I received for wanting to leave and be safe, the having nothing to my name, or family to lean on.

Without going into grotesque details, I did eventually get myself and my babies out.

But this isn’t over yet. The fight continues and I pray that the universe sees through any injustice and allows for my babies and I to live and heal in peace as we have been doing since leaving.

I hope this post gives someone some sort of hope or inspiration that it isn’t ever truly a battle lost or that love will never happen. It can. Anything can happen as long as you believe in yourself and start to love yourself again.

✨🤍

#vulnerablepost #domesticabusesurvivor #loveyourselffirst #stepdadsrock #fathersday