His dad mocked my job at a fast food joint
My bf invited me to meet his parents at a family dinner, we’ve been together almost a year, so I wanted to make a good impression. The dinner started nice, but then his dad asked about my job. I work at a fast food joint, the pay’s not amazing but it’s steady, but it’s not “respectable” in his eyes. After a few questions, he smirked and said, “So you just stand behind a counter slinging fries and wiping tables all day? Not who I pictured for my son.”
Everyone laughed awkwardly. I tried joking it off, but he added, “Maybe someday you’ll get a real job to actually support a family steadily.” My stomach dropped. My bf just said “Dad…” without a real defense. I quietly said I wasn’t feeling well and left.
Later, he texted saying I embarrassed him, that I should “let it go” because his dad was “just teasing.” I feel so disrespected, but he’s cold now and says I owe his family an apology. Wtf!? What would you have done?
Oh wow, I've heard too many story time moments like yours, and it always boils down to one thing: respect. It’s absolutely heartbreaking when you’re trying to make a good impression, and someone, especially a significant other’s parent, openly mocks your livelihood. Your feelings are completely valid; this isn't just about a job, it's about a direct attack on your worth and effort. The sting of his dad's comments, implying your job isn't "real" or "respectable," is bad enough. But honestly, the real red flag here is your boyfriend's reaction. Or rather, his lack of reaction. 'Dad…' is not a defense. It's a passive acknowledgement that he saw what happened but chose not to stand up for you. This is a critical moment in any relationship: seeing how your partner protects you when you're vulnerable, especially from their own family. His subsequent text, telling you that you embarrassed him and to 'let it go' because his dad was 'just teasing,' is classic gaslighting. It minimizes your pain and shifts the blame onto you. And then to demand you apologize? That’s a significant power imbalance and a huge disrespect to your feelings. In similar situations I've witnessed, or even experienced myself, it’s crucial to understand that you did nothing wrong. Leaving because you were disrespected was a healthy response. Now, the ball is in your court to decide what this means for your relationship. You need to have a serious conversation with your boyfriend, not about if his dad was wrong (he clearly was), but about how his inaction and subsequent behavior made you feel. Use 'I' statements: 'I felt completely unsupported when you didn't defend me,' or 'I feel disrespected that you're asking me to apologize for reacting to being insulted.' Consider what kind of partner you want. Do you want someone who will stand by you and protect your feelings, or someone who prioritizes keeping the peace with their family over your well-being? This incident isn't just a blip; it reveals a lot about his character and potential future dynamics with his family. Setting boundaries early on is vital. You might need to decide if you're willing to engage with his family again without a clear commitment from him to support you. Remember, every honest job contributes to society, and your worth isn't tied to societal perceptions of your career. It's about your work ethic, integrity, and how you treat others. Don't let anyone diminish that. This isn't just a family dinner gone wrong; it's a test of your relationship's foundation and your boyfriend's commitment to you. Think about what you truly need and deserve from a partner. It takes courage to stand up for yourself, especially when it involves someone you care about. Your feelings matter, and you deserve a partner who recognizes that and acts accordingly. What's your worth to him?
There’s girls selling their soul on OF. You have nothing to be ashamed of, only thing I’d say OSS you shouldn’t have made an excuse. You should have told him he was being rude and disrespectful, than stayed gracious and left them all where they sat. No apologies. FYI you bf is supposed to protect and provide. He failed. He should have protected you from his bs dad. I hope you didn’t start looking down on yourself.