Are You A People Pleaser💕 Or A People Pusher🫷

Hey everyone! That deep dive into 'people pleasers' and 'people pushers' really hit home for me, especially the 'people pusher' side. I used to think putting up those high walls, as the article mentioned, protected me from getting hurt. It felt like being independent, but honestly, it just left me feeling isolated and misunderstood. I remember one time, a friend offered help with a project, and my immediate reaction was to say 'no, I got it,' even though I was totally swamped. Why did I do that? Looking back, I think it was a mix of pride, fear of being seen as weak, and a deep-seated belief that I had to handle everything alone. This 'people pusher' mentality, where you hand out 'nos' like candy and keep everyone at arm's length, can actually be a defense mechanism. It often stems from past experiences where vulnerability led to pain or disappointment. We build these emotional fortresses to prevent future hurt, but in doing so, we unintentionally push away the very connections we crave. The article touches on having walls up and putting your needs on a pedestal. For me, that meant rarely asking for help, always being the one giving advice but never receiving it, and struggling to share anything genuinely personal. It wasn't that I didn't care about others; it was more about a fear of rejection or feeling overwhelmed by intimacy. I've learned that this approach, while seemingly protective, can really limit your growth and happiness. You miss out on the incredible support systems and shared joys that come from deep, authentic bonds. If you're recognizing some 'people pusher' traits in yourself, don't worry, you're not alone, and it's definitely something you can work on. One practical strategy that helped me was starting small. Instead of going from zero to fully vulnerable, I began by sharing tiny bits of my day or my feelings with one trusted friend. It was like testing the waters. Another thing was trying to accept compliments or offers of help gracefully, rather than deflecting them. Just a simple 'thank you, that means a lot' instead of 'oh, it was nothing.' I also realized the importance of understanding why I was pushing people away. Was it a fear of losing control? A past betrayal? Therapy really helped me unpack some of these underlying issues. It's a journey of self-awareness, much like the article suggests with reflecting on past interactions and practicing assertiveness. Assertiveness isn't about pushing people away; it's about communicating your needs clearly while respecting others, which is a huge shift from either pleasing or pushing. It's about finding that sweet spot where you can be open and connected without feeling overwhelmed or losing your sense of self. It’s challenging, but the payoff — truly meaningful relationships and a more peaceful inner life — is absolutely worth it. So, if you're a young woman, or anyone really, struggling with these dynamics, take heart. You can soften those walls without tearing them down entirely. It’s about building doors, not just walls.