Life with no intimacy 🙅🏽♀️
This is a very transparent post!
I started this journey when I realized I don’t have to give myself up to men in order to be valued. When I was in high school, I didn’t have any guidance at all about relationships, so I was very delusional. Graduating high school, I had a very crooked ideology that guys would like you more if you were intimate with them. Girl, I know I was very delusional and misinformed. I learned on my own by reflecting very intensely on my life and taking accountability for my actions and beliefs.
With the reflecting that I was doing, I realized how most guys lied to get what they wanted out of me, and I started putting their game together. I realized that guys would say code words to make you feel like they want a relationship with you but don’t want to rush into one, to entice you to still be interested in them without having much expectations of them. Within that time of realization, I gained a new mindset and a level of respect for myself. I decided that it’s not about them anymore; it’s about me! For now and forever, it’s about how they treat me, how they talk to me, how they gift me, how they value me, etc.💅🏽 Everything before was about being good enough for them, so I flipped the script, which was the best thing I ever did for myself. I still went on dates with guys and didn’t show any physical affection. Guys will indeed respect you more if you just wait, and if they don’t appreciate the wait, they don’t appreciate you. But it wasn’t about wanting them to respect me; it was about what I wanted! How I felt about being touched or affection from people. It’s been a year since I’ve done anything sexual related; I’ve come to realize that I don’t even want to have sex if I’m not in a relationship. I was never big on hookups or friends with benefits; I remember gaslighting myself into being okay with it in order to be close with someone I liked. Since I don’t agree with one-night stands, I just don’t have sex at all unless I have a partner. In so many ways, this protects me. For one, it protects me mentally because I don’t have to do the runaround to see if the person I’m sleeping with wants to be with me or just wants sex from me. Besides withstanding from sex physically, I decided it was best to control my mind of lustful thoughts. At first, it was challenging, but pulling my focus on things that are more productive made me reflect on important things. I started making journal prompts, writing down more goals, working out, developing new ideas and habits for myself, and showing gratitude. I’m not saying I don’t take a “break” and fall into my hormones (if you catch my drift); I just think it’s a thing you do at the end of the day. A whole year without sex definitely gave me a new mindset. I’ve gained respect for myself, confidence, and it has ultimately made me feel powerful. I’m not even going to lie to you guys; the first 6 months last year, I was kinda sad I didn’t get any, even though having sex was a choice that I wasn’t going to have with anybody. I just thought I was going to meet a boyfriend in time for my birthday 😩😂 chile, but I started to become grateful for the lessons and perspectives it gave me. I’m actually so proud I didn’t fold for anyone or give anyone my body that doesn’t deserve it. #relationshiptoself #blackrelationships #abstinent #celibacyjourney #unfiltered
Choosing a life without intimacy can be a powerful experience, fostering personal growth and self-awareness. This decision often stems from a desire to shift focus from pleasing others to nurturing oneself. By consciously choosing abstinence or celibacy, individuals often realize that their worth isn't defined by physical relationships but by their own values and self-respect. The journey towards self-empowerment can involve exploring one's emotions, setting personal boundaries, and engaging in introspective activities like journaling or goal-setting. These practices encourage individuals to reflect on their needs and desires, leading to a clearer understanding of what they truly want from life and relationships. This mindset shift often leads to improved mental health, greater emotional intelligence, and an appreciation for one's own body and desires. Facing societal norms around intimacy can be challenging, especially when pressured to conform. However, many find strength in community support and shared experiences. Discussions surrounding abstinence and celibacy can provide reassurance and validation for those on similar paths. Engaging with online forums or local groups can help connect with like-minded individuals who share these values, fostering a sense of belonging and encouragement. Ultimately, embracing a life with no intimacy can serve as an enriching experience, allowing for deeper connections with oneself and others, without the distractions and complications that often accompany physical relationships. Whether for a period of self-reflection or a long-term lifestyle choice, this journey can lead to profound personal transformation and empowerment.
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