He called me “irrational” for not lending him $7K
I’ve been with my boyfriend for about 10 months. Recently, he asked to borrow $7,000 from my retirement account because he plans to take out a $12,000 personal loan — saying he’ll pay me back from that.
Thing is… I’ve already lent him money before. $150 a few months ago, then another $100 a few weeks ago. Still haven’t seen a cent back.
When I said no this time, he told me I was being “irrational” and that I “don’t trust him.” But honestly? I don’t. I have two kids (one in college) and I’ve worked hard for my savings. I’m not giving up part of my future for someone who can’t handle his own finances.
We’ve talked about marriage next year, but now I’m second-guessing everything. I can’t tell if I’m being too cautious or if this is a massive red flag.
Would you lend your partner money from your retirement fund — or is that where you draw the line too?
It's a tough situation when finances collide with trust in a relationship. Lending money, especially large sums like from a retirement account, is a serious step that shouldn't be taken lightly. Your boyfriend’s request to borrow $7,000 from your retirement fund, especially after previous smaller loans were not repaid, raises valid concerns about financial responsibility and trustworthiness. Retirement funds are meant to secure your future and provide stability during your later years; using them for debt or loans carries risks, including penalties, taxes, and a loss of financial security. It’s important to safeguard your financial wellbeing, especially when you have dependents like children in college. One critical red flag is your boyfriend labeling you "irrational" when you express boundaries. Respectful communication and mutual trust are foundational to lasting partnerships. It may help to have an open conversation about financial habits, goals, and expectations before making decisions that affect both your futures. Many experts advise that couples keep finances separate until a strong history of trust and repayment is established. If you choose to lend money, setting clear terms in writing can protect both parties. However, your caution indicates self-respect and practical thinking—not irrationality. Ultimately, deciding whether to lend money to a partner depends on your comfort level, the health of your relationship, and your financial situation. Listening to your instincts and prioritizing your financial stability, especially with your children’s education in mind, is wise. Share your thoughts and experiences about lending money in relationships—knowing you’re not alone can bring valuable perspective.
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