telling my mom she’s not my priority

Wow, reading your story really hit home for me. It's incredibly tough when you're caught in that bind, feeling like you have to choose between your mom's expectations and your own life. You're definitely not alone in this feeling, and the guilt can be absolutely draining, just like you described. It takes a lot of courage to be honest about your priorities, especially with a parent. Many of us go through similar phases with our parents, particularly as we get older and build our own lives, relationships, and even face financial responsibilities like medical debt. Our parents often view 'family first' through a lens shaped by their own experiences and perhaps a fear of being left out or losing that close connection they once had. It's not always about them trying to manipulate us, but sometimes it stems from their own anxieties or a different understanding of what 'time together' means. They might see our independence as a rejection, even when it's just a natural part of adulting. From my own experience, I've learned that setting boundaries, while incredibly difficult, is essential for a healthy relationship with your parents and for your own well-being. It's not about loving them less; it's about defining how you can love them sustainably without sacrificing your own needs. Here are a few things that have helped me, and maybe they can offer some perspective for you too: First, try to acknowledge your mom's feelings without necessarily agreeing with her demands. You could say something like, 'Mom, I understand you miss spending time together, and I love you for wanting that connection.' This validates her emotions and opens a door for a calmer conversation. Second, be clear and consistent with your boundaries. Instead of reacting when she immediately asks about the next plan, you could proactively suggest something specific a few weeks out. For example, 'I'd love to plan something for the third Saturday of next month, how does that sound?' This shows you're committed to spending time, but on your terms. Third, reassure her of your love and commitment in other ways. Maybe a quick call, a text, or sharing small updates about your day. It’s not always about grand outings; sometimes, it’s the little connections that matter most. Finally, remember that your priorities are valid. Balancing friends, a partner, financial obligations, and personal time is a huge part of adult life. Feeling drained and guilty is a sign that something needs to shift, not that you're a bad child. It's okay to prioritize your own well-being and the other important relationships in your life. Don't let the 'family comes first' mantra overshadow your right to a balanced and fulfilling life. It's a journey, not a destination, and it's okay to feel conflicted. Keep communicating, keep setting those boundaries, and most importantly, keep being kind to yourself.