My heart is broken again.

My heart is broken again.

After thinking that I might be really in love this time,

But in the end, everything was like just the Maya world.

It's a relationship that I can't confirm if what I feel and think is true.

At first, I thought he just wanted to know my life.

Want to know what problem I have? How much debt.

But when he knew everything he wanted to know,

Instead, he gradually disappeared from my life.

Leave only so many questions of what exactly happened.

The first time he disappeared,

I followed him back.

He said he had a job problem with money.

I want to be alone. I don't want to talk to anyone.

I tried to understand and believe him.

Shortly thereafter,

Our relationship also seems to be improving.

We talk every day.

Until he started disappearing again.

This time he said he was busy.

And asked me back,

"Why always wait for him to call or say hello? Why don't I start?"

I followed it and felt he might be right.

Because we haven't loved each other in the first place

It started with an interest that gradually formed.

So I tried to fill this relationship with understanding and try to be the other person who reached him.

But in the end, everything went back.

He disappeared again.

And this is the third time.

Two full days

No messages, no calls, no questions about how it went.

And I'm going to follow him again.

When I asked about the reason,

He said the first day was with the baby.

The second day was so busy that there was no time to catch the phone.

But what happened throughout this relationship

Is that he's always talking about money.

Until I started not sure what medium he wanted.

He might want to know how much I can support him.

Or maybe looking at if I'm a money-sake girl.

Because he used to be the one who always raised and supported his ex.

But what I see most clearly

It's not him.

It's myself.

I started doing things I didn't like.

Start trying to change yourself to keep someone.

It's like using an eraser to erase your identity a little bit at a time.

Until one day I asked myself,

"Can I really live with a relationship full of indecision, silence and pain like this?"

And my answer is "No."

I shouldn't be with someone who doesn't give me time.

It's unclear whether to keep going or enough.

Because if he really wants me in life,

He'll try to keep me.

He'll call.

Talk

Ask for redemption

Do anything to keep me from having to feel alone in this relationship.

But all I got back was silence.

And sometimes

Silence is the most obvious answer.

Finally, I chose to end everything on my own.

To give your own heart an opportunity.

Have the opportunity to meet someone who really loves

Someone who's ready to put me in the time of his life.

People who, if having the opportunity, would like to pick up and send

Or if you can't, at least call me "home yet."

Someone who wants to be the last person to talk to me each day.

And the first to see me every morning.

People who see my smile are happy.

Saw my laughter and felt relaxed.

Someone who's ready to hug and shake hands next to me on a day of distress.

Someone who's proud to have me in my life.

And ready to cherish my heart, my body and my love the best he can.

Because this is the love I want.

It's not love to keep guessing that

"Am I still important?"

~ Nachanima