what repair looks like in my relationship…❤️🩹
Me and my partner have been together for over 15 years. Throughout this time, we’ve come a long way in how we resolve conflict in our relationship.
1: acknowledgement ~ I acknowledge that me and my partner are separate people, which means we react differently to different situations. I find it important to understand and recognize each other’s emotions and validate each other’s perspectives, even if it is something we don’t agree with.
2: arguing won’t solve it ~ Me and my partner have never had an argument to resolve our conflict. Going back and forth doesn’t solve our problems. Me and my partner often solve conflict better when we have some space to ourselves and then revisit the issue later when we’re both cooled off. For us, this means talking about it the following morning
3: forgive & forget ~ holding onto grudges is not healthy for any type of relationship. My partner and I try our best to forgive and let go. To avoid an issue from happening again, we try to communicate what can be done differently for next time. Open and honest communication are key to repairing conflict
4: we keep it to ourselves ~ whenever me and my partner get into conflict, we find that it works best for us to solve the conflict ourselves. This means not sharing our issues to other family members or friends. Oftentimes doing this is one sided anyways and they aren’t getting the full picture of the situation. Regardless, me and my partner have never felt comfortable airing out our personal conflicts to others.
5: we pray about it ~ sometimes we face conflict that feels beyond our control. One of the ways that me and my partner continue to grow in our relationship is pray for each other. We also find that joining marriage groups help us to grow and resolve our conflict in a healthy way
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I've been reflecting a lot on the journey my partner and I have taken over 15 years to build a truly resilient relationship, especially when it comes to navigating conflict. While I shared our core strategies, I wanted to dive deeper into some of the nuances that really make a difference, particularly when you're dealing with those intense moments or feel like you're caught in a cycle of 'on off relationship couple tension.' One of the biggest hurdles in any disagreement is managing our own 'relationship conflict emotional reaction' — and our partner's. It's easy to get defensive, but I've found that truly practicing 'acknowledgement' goes beyond just hearing them; it’s about recognizing their feelings as valid, even if you don't understand or agree with the reasoning behind them. Before responding, I try to take a breath and ask myself, 'What emotion is my partner expressing right now?' and then simply say, 'I can see you're feeling frustrated,' or 'I hear how upset you are.' This simple validation can often de-escalate the situation and prevent the conversation from immediately turning into 'arguing back and forth.' It's not about agreeing with their perspective, but agreeing with their right to feel that way. We always say 'arguing won't solve it,' and that's why taking space is crucial for us. But what do you do during that space? For me, it’s about self-reflection. I'll often write down my thoughts and feelings, trying to pinpoint not just what happened, but why I reacted the way I did. This helps me approach the conversation later with clarity, rather than just raw emotion. When it's time to re-engage, we make sure to pick a calm moment, perhaps over a cup of coffee the next morning, and we explicitly agree to listen to understand, not to rebut. This commitment helps ensure that our 'relationship repair after argument' is truly productive and not just a continuation of the previous fight. The idea of 'forgive & forget' can feel impossible sometimes, especially if you're dealing with recurring issues that lead to 'on off relationship couple tension.' For us, forgiveness isn't about pretending something didn't hurt; it's about making a conscious choice to release the resentment. And the 'forget' part? It's more about 'letting go of the past's hold' so you can focus on moving forward. A key part of this is communication about the future. Instead of just saying 'what can be done differently,' we try to make it a collaborative problem-solving session. For example, if a specific action caused upset, we'd discuss concrete steps: 'Next time, could we try [X] instead of [Y]?' or 'How can I support you if [Z situation] happens again?' This is essential for effective 'relationship repair after argument.' Finally, regarding 'keeping issues to ourselves,' while it works wonders for our dynamic, I've also learned that there are times when an outside perspective can be incredibly valuable. If you're consistently struggling with 'arguing back and forth' or feel stuck in patterns of 'on off relationship couple tension,' sometimes a trusted, unbiased third party – like a couples counselor or a mentor from a marriage group – can offer tools and insights you might not have considered. It's not about airing dirty laundry, but about seeking wisdom to strengthen your bond. Just as we find strength in 'praying about it,' sometimes professional guidance is another form of support that can help us grow individually and as a couple. It’s all part of the continuous journey of learning 'how we deal with conflict' and build a love that truly lasts.
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