My boss has a crush on me… how do I turn him down?

I'm a 24-year-old intern at an investment bank in NYC. Last night, at a team gathering, my married male manager made me an alcoholic drink, waited with me for my Uber, and later texted me saying, 'You're really something special, you know?' He has a say in whether I get a return offer, so I don't want to upset him, but it feels off. Am I overreacting? How should I respond?

#worktips #workplaceromance #Internship #relationshipadvice

2024/9/25 Edited to

... Read moreWow, reading your post brought back so many memories of a similar situation I faced early in my career. It's incredibly stressful when your boss sends those kinds of text messages, especially when your future at the company, like a return offer, is on the line. Navigating these tricky text message exchanges requires a lot of tact and careful thought, so you're definitely not overreacting by feeling off about it. From my experience, one of the most effective strategies is what I like to call the 'Professional Pivot' – it's similar to the 'Subtle Rejection' shown in one of the examples. When I received a text that felt a bit too personal, I'd acknowledge the compliment briefly, but immediately shift the conversation back to work or a professional topic. For instance, if he said something like, 'You're really something special,' you could reply with, 'Thanks for the kind words! I'm really enjoying the team's dynamic and learning so much, especially with [mention a specific work project or task].' This way, you're not outright rejecting him in a way that could cause awkwardness or resentment, but you're clearly signaling that your focus is professional. You're being diplomatic, just like the effective response in the OCR example. Another approach, especially if the flirtatious messages persist, is to set soft boundaries. Instead of directly saying 'I have a boyfriend' (which, as one example showed, sometimes lacks tact and can even invite more questions), you can imply a preference for professionalism. Phrases like, 'I really value our professional relationship and your mentorship,' or 'I always appreciate your work-related feedback,' reinforce the boundaries without being confrontational. The key is to be polite but firm, making it clear that you see the interaction strictly in a work context. It's also crucial to document these text message exchanges. While you hope it doesn't escalate, having a record can be invaluable. This doesn't mean you need to report it immediately, but simply keeping screenshots or a log of the dates and content of these flirtatious messages can protect you down the line if things take a turn for the worse. I learned this the hard way when I didn't save early texts and regretted it later. What definitely didn't work for me, and aligns with the 'lacks tact' feedback in your OCR, was trying to make excuses or giving personal reasons. It often opened the door for more personal questions or attempts to circumvent my 'reason.' Keeping your responses professional, brief, and work-focused is generally the safest bet. Remember, your career and comfort in the workplace are paramount. It's about protecting yourself and maintaining professional integrity while still aiming for that return offer. You've got this!

12 comments

Melody Evans's images
Melody Evans

The last one seems the most professional. If he responds with more flirting that’s when you should say something in the lines of “I think we should keep a very professional relationship only” You can elaborate if you want to by saying you wouldn’t want to mess up your opportunity.

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