I keep fantasizing about being with someone fit

Wow, reading your story truly resonates with a lot of people navigating the complexities of long-term relationships and personal changes. It's incredibly brave of you to share such an intimate struggle. When you find yourself thinking, “I’m not attracted to my bf anymore” because of their weight gain, it can feel incredibly guilt-inducing, but please know you’re not alone in these feelings. Many people in mixed-weight relationships face similar challenges, and it doesn't automatically make you a 'terrible' person. From my own experience, and seeing friends go through this, one of the toughest parts is the internal conflict. You care deeply for your partner, but the physical spark feels dimmed. It's perfectly natural for physical attraction to play a significant role in a romantic relationship, and when that changes, it's okay to acknowledge it. The key is how you navigate these feelings and communicate them (or choose not to) within the relationship. It sounds like you're putting in so much emotional and physical labor trying to motivate him. Remember that his health journey is ultimately his own. While your support is wonderful, you can't be solely responsible for his choices. It's important to protect your own energy and mental well-being. If going to the gym with him feels draining, perhaps you could focus on your own workouts and let him join when he's genuinely ready and motivated himself, rather than feeling obligated. Open communication, though daunting, is often the first step. Instead of focusing on his weight, you might try to express how his lack of activity or enthusiasm impacts your shared life and connection. For instance, 'I miss our active dates and feeling like we're a team in health' can be less confrontational than focusing on the weight itself. Sometimes, couples therapy can offer a safe, neutral space to discuss such sensitive topics without blame, helping both partners feel heard and understood. And about the fantasizing? Our minds wander, especially when we feel unfulfilled or stressed in a relationship. It doesn't diminish your feelings for your partner. It simply highlights that certain needs, perhaps for shared vitality or physical connection, aren't being met. Exploring ways to rekindle intimacy beyond just physical appearance—like dedicating time to those shared interests in art, music, or movies again—can sometimes help rebuild emotional closeness, which in turn can foster other forms of attraction. Ultimately, you deserve to feel happy and fulfilled in your relationship, and addressing these feelings, however difficult, is a valid part of that journey.