Am i falling behind?
am I falling behind.........
ive been pushing and pushing to strive for the best ever since I can remember. I keep telling myself I only have one life... I need to do well. I need to be the best I can be in anything. I guess as the oldest sis and a child of immigrant parents. I felt a responsibility to do this? the responsibility to do well. the responsibility to give my family the best life they can possibly get. but im 24 this year and im starting to wonder. what am I doing?
im about to graduate SMU this year and would no longer be a student FOREVER... and looking back, im starting to think, have I ever lived life as a student? the answer was no... I didn't let myself... I cramped my life with work and school. to do anything "unproductive" felt like a crime. I studied my ass off in school and worked as much as I could since I can remember. picking up shifts even when I am exhausted. teaching more tuition hours than my body could allow. finding internship every opportunity I have.. money was IMPORTANT to me. I did not allow myself to go jobless, even for a week. there is no break there is no rest. looking back... im wondering if this life was worth it. I didn't bother making more friends or living the college life. gave up going for exchange bcus I couldn't work if I was overseas. im 24 for goodness sake... why am I so hard on myself. im looking back and realising that I hv nothing to look back on except work. people tell me that exchange is the best time of their lives. I wish I could have that too....
despite doing so much... I still feel like im falling behind. I feel like I need to be better. I need to do better. I need to do more...
is this feeling normal? I get so tired some times and I am starting to see that my body is telling me to stop. to slow down... but im 24.. I cant afford to slow down...
i keep pushing and pushing... for more... for better... but what is better? what is more? when does it end? im starting to realise that it never ends...
i dont know if i should just take a break... learn to be okay to do nothing...




































it felt like another piece of life disappearing forever, the studying life... I didn't go for overseas exchange and didn't have much school life. maybe there's some comfort in knowing others are in the same boat too