dealing with anhedonia
my struggle with anhedonia started around 2021 / 2022. i’ve had deep mental health troubles for my whole life, but this was an extreme addition to it that i wasn’t ready for. despite everything i dealt with, i could usually get lost in things i loved. hyper fixations would come along and snatch me up and i’d pour my soul into them. i had some vision i could work towards, no matter how fleeting the desire, and that gave me joy ; fulfillment; hope.
suddenly, that was all gone. i attribute this to attempting to medicate my mental health for the first time in my life- something i had put off for 25 years due to fear that it would make things worse (along with trauma based anxiety surrounding medical professionals). unfortunately, that ended up being the case for me.
at first it was strange. i was so much more empty. nothing could spark interest. nothing brought me joy, even the things i could have relied on to some degree to do so in the past. i was no longer sailing my way down the river of life. instead, i was lost listlessly being tossed around by its tides.
every day had been made fully dull and completely lifeless. i had no hope or desires or dreams. i tried everything i could to reignite a spark in myself, but eventually i succumbed to the void. my life truly felt pointless. i feared it would be eternally empty, that every day would be treading a pool of nothingness. though not wishing to end my own life in this instance, i did wish for my life to end.
i would grind away the days, trying to make the time pass as fast as possible so that i could get to an elderly day in the far future where i would finally close my eyes for the last time. as part of both an attempt to feel something again and to grind away time, i turned to playing overwatch. my day was essentially wake up, lay in bed mindlessly scrolling tiktok, eventually get up to my pc to turn on the game, and play until i was exhausted enough that i knew the second i laid down i would fall asleep.
i tried to find others who felt the same, and eventually found some solace on some corners of the internet. unfortunately, their tales only served to embolden the bleakness of the situation. we were a woefully unprepared motley crew, and many of my comrades seemed to share the same causation of prescribed pharmaceuticals. it felt like a cosmic joke to take an extreme step to cure what ailed us only to pushed further towards demise. if my faith in the medical field hadn’t already been despicably low it certainly was now. i didn’t know where to go, what to trust, or what i could handle.
of course, i am grateful for experiences unlike mine. i am glad medicine can be helpful for others. i’m am happy that people can find cures and happiness through the method which personally wronged me. i don’t discourage medical help, of course. i just can’t trust it for myself. though i had only been on psychological pharmaceuticals for a few months before deciding to taper off, the effect of anhedonia would continue for about a year and a half. i fear it would have continued forever if not for serendipity.
by accident i jump started my recovery from this draining aspect of my life through natural methods. unfortunately, i can’t go into too much detail about this, but it seems others struggling with this experience have also found reprieve within this methodology. in fact, it seems to me the only “cure” to anhedonia i have found accounts of with any consistency.
with this blessing and the fortune to be surrounding myself with loving partnerships, i was able to move forward. i started to feel some joy again. throughout this process i desperately tried to remember and reignite joy from previous hobbies, but it wasn’t until this unintentional remedy that i was able to feel anything about the things i once loved. i held onto the good with everything i could.
i still struggle with anhedonia quite a bit, but life is brighter now. there is reprieve. seasonal affective disorder isn’t helping things these days, but i have hope again. i have some vision for the future again. all i can do is try my best to continue forward and indulge in both joy and health. i’ll be posting my journey with this here~ perhaps you’ll stick around to see my brighter future unfold ♡
#mentalhealth #Lemon8Diary #mentalhealthawareness #anhedonia
Reading about this struggle with anhedonia really hit home for me, and I know so many of us have felt that profound 'life without joy.' It's more than just feeling sad; it’s like your emotional volume knob is turned all the way down, making everything feel dull and pointless. When you experience that 'reduced ability to experience pleasure,' it can be incredibly isolating, as if 'nothing made me happy; nothing was interesting; I had no desires or aspirations.' For those asking 'what is anhedonia,' it’s a core symptom of various mental health conditions, like depression, but can also occur on its own. It manifests in two main ways: physical anhedonia, where you lose pleasure from physical sensations like eating or touch; and social anhedonia, where you withdraw from social interactions. It's a fundamental shift in how your brain processes reward. This can lead to days that feel exactly like the graphic described: 'waking late, eating microwaveable food, gaming, and waiting for life to end.' These are classic 'anhedonia symptoms' that impact mental health. If you're asking 'how to cope with anhedonia' or looking for a way to start 'dealing with anhedonia,' I've found a few strategies that can help form a personal 'anhedonia kit' to navigate those empty feelings. The article mentions 'natural remedies/self care' and 'surrounding self with love,' which are crucial starting points. First, try to reintroduce tiny sparks of joy, even if they don't feel joyful at first. Remember 'pursuing old interests'? That's a great start. Even if you don't feel like it, try engaging with a past hobby for just 10-15 minutes. It's not about immediate pleasure, but about reactivating neural pathways. For example, if 'anhedonia food' resonates with you, try making a simple meal, focusing on the colours and textures, rather than expecting a burst of flavour. Mindful eating, even if it's just a comforting soup, has been a small win for me. Building a physical 'self-care kit' can also be incredibly helpful. This isn't about grand gestures, but small, tangible comforts. Think about things that once brought you a sense of peace: a soft blanket, a journal for unfiltered thoughts, a gentle scent like lavender, or a playlist of calming music. I've even seen people create mood boards or 'anhedonia wallpaper' for their phones with images that represent calm or distant hope, just to have something visually soothing. Collecting elements for this kit can be a small, intentional act that reminds you to be kind to yourself. It's also okay to acknowledge the impulse for 'sleeping all day' or 'dopamine chasing' through things like endless scrolling or gaming. These are often coping mechanisms, even if they don't truly help. The key is to gradually introduce healthier alternatives. Gentle movement, like a short walk outdoors, can sometimes shift my perspective. Connecting with nature, even if it's just looking out a window, can be surprisingly grounding. Finally, remember that finding hope and connection, as the original article beautifully illustrates, is a process. It’s about being gentle with yourself, experimenting with what might bring even the smallest flicker of positive sensation, and understanding that you are not alone in this 'mental health' struggle. There are communities and resources out there that can offer support, sometimes even through creative expressions like 'anhedonia anime' or finding solace in a poignant 'anhedonia poem' that articulates what you can't. Keep trying, keep reaching out, and hold onto that glimmer of hope.
