Staying with a cheaterš³
People say āevery relationship has ups and downsā but a cheating scandal IS NOT just a bad little blip in your relationship that you can get over!!!! A boy who has poor impulse control and cheats once will undoubtedly cheat again if you stay with him! Itās like giving him the green light to keep doing it because you donāt have boundaries and stand on them!!!!
Yes, this post is clickbait to get your attention. But I want to share my story about an ex who I found out cheated on meā¦ and how I am SO thankful that I moved on and didnāt carry that dead weight of a boy around with me any longer:
It feels like weāve all gotten the āhey girlā DM at one point in our lives. Seeing a text that starts like that makes your stomach drop, every time.
Thatās what I got! A girl found my insta and spilled the beans about my boyfriend (at the time) cheating on me with her. Iāll save all the details, but just know that it was as bad as you would imagine.
Iāll admit that for a month, with lots of overthinking and high emotions- I tried to stay with him.
What I learned is that you canāt come back from this. I donāt care what other people say.
In my experience (which holds true to all relationships where cheating happens), I built up so much resentment towards him, while also feeling more insecure than ever & feeling the need to constantly be better / prettier- all so that he would want me and not feel the need to cheat on me anymore. Obviously this is such a toxic mindset and a form of victim blaming that I did to myself, looking back on it.
As shown in my situation, resentment is āsilent killerā of relationships (thereās lots of info/research about this on the internet)
The point of my story (trying to keep this short enough) is that I feel like all of us who have been cheated on can relate to that feeling. Especially when we have freshly found out and are trying to keep our rose-colored glasses on, trying to make ourselves believe that getting cheated on is something that we can make go away and come back from- thinking āour relationship is so goodā¦ we can fix thisā. The truth is that you canāt fix it.
Maybe one person out of a hundred can fix a cheating issue with their partner- but are we really that naive to think that the .1% will be us? And really, how good will the relationship be after getting cheated on?
I am so proud of myself for having the strength to not go back into a relationship where his actions didnāt respect and value me. The truth thatās inconvenient to realize is that if he cared for you and didnāt want to lose you, he would not have played in your face & done something that would have put your relationship in jeopardy.
Think about it!! In a relationship where you really wanted someone, you would be on your best behavior and not do things that may cause your relationship to end!
When someone cheats, they have thought about that^^ and they are still willing see what they can get away with because when it comes down to it, they value their own satisfaction and instant gratification or āexciting new thingā over building a strong, long lasting relationship with you. Is a person like that someone you want to be a role model for your kids?? When your daughter comes home crying to you and your husband someday about a boy who did her wrong, how will you feel knowing that he did to you what someone else did to your daughter?
I will not accept that behavior for myself and ESPECIALLY NOT for my future kids. My kids will have a father who has the respect and self discipline to put his family and wife over himself.
Ladies- You have GOT to drop that immature, cheating loser like dead weight in order to find your kids future dad (my Mattš„°). If you donāt, you will be causing generational trauma.
And if youāre dating a guy who YOU KNOW cheated on you??? 1. That so embarrassing, and 2. Look at who your mom/ grandma are with.. did they pick out amazing guys? Or do they have relationship issues too??? This is what Iām talking about with generational trauma!!! Who you choose to father your kids sends a message to your kids about what a relationship looks like. What kind of behavior do you want your relationship to normalize for your kids??
Moral of my story is please pick the right manš if heās not PERFECT to your standards, move on and trust that the right one will come by eventually. I promise you will find your perfect guy if you are not locking yourself down with some dead weight.
Infidelity can deeply impact a person's self-esteem and trust in relationships. Cheating often instills feelings of insecurity, leading individuals to feel inadequate or pressured to change themselves for their partner's approval. It's important to realize that maintaining dignity and self-respect should always come first. When faced with infidelity, it's crucial to reflect on the validity of the relationship. Many people mistakenly believe they can 'fix' their relationship after cheating, but research shows that the chances of healing are slim. Most couples struggle with lingering resentment and emotional scars that make it difficult to rebuild trust. If you find yourself grappling with the choice of staying or leaving, consider the long-term implications on your mental health and future relationships. Research indicates that repeated exposure to betrayal can lead to generational trauma, influencing how future partners might behave and how children view relationships. To ensure a supportive and nurturing environment for future generations, it's essential to model healthy relationships. This begins by making conscious choices about whom to partner with, focusing on those who treat you with respect and kindness. Seek guidance and support from friends or professionals who understand relationships and can provide an outside perspective. Remember, true self-love involves understanding your worth and making choices that enhance your well-being. Focus on moving forward with confidence, ensuring that your future relationships embody the respect and love you deserve.
I stayed with a cheater for almost a year before I finally found the man I have now. At the time, I didnāt think I deserved anything better but now that Iām with my fiancĆ© itās been so amazing!