not everyone’s a life story 💔
I learned this the hard way in my 30s, when I was newly divorced and suddenly stranded all alone. The divorce was my fault, and I wanted it as well, and so majority of the blame is on me.
But if I was given a chance to go back in time, get back with my ex, and fix the marriage, would I?
The answer is no. I wouldn’t even take the chance to erase everything that’s happened and start over anew.
It’s harsh, I know.
Did I truly love him then?
The answer is yes. I loved him unlike anyone else I’ve ever loved before.
He was my best friend in every sense, he could make me laugh in an instant with just a facial expression, and he could make me swoon even years later just by looking at him across a crowded room. I wanted to spend all my time with him so badly that even after we got married I’d still buy new clothes for us to go on a random date night.
But that’s all he was - he was a love story, and perhaps even a great one.
In many ways we did build a life together and were constantly building as well, but somehow deep inside me I sadly realized over time he wasn’t really the life I wanted to live.
I was tired of arguing over his family and friends, tired of asking for attention, tired of hoping and waiting that one day he’d put me and my feelings first. I was tired of hoping he’d stand up for me and tell people who hurt me to fuck off instead of always playing devil’s advocate so he’d always look like the good guy and I’d always look like the difficult aggressive angry one.
I was tired of being with an avoidant husband who made it hard to bring up conflicts, much less resolve them. I was tired of seeming difficult just because I wanted to talk through things but he just wanted to close an eye, let it blow over, and pretend nothing happened because he was “a chill guy”!!
I was tired.
It was a life I was happy to live - but only up to that point.
When I met my current husband, he was nothing like my ex. I even rejected him and ghosted him before deciding to give it a proper shot (sorry to him!!). 🥲
I didn’t feel the fireworks that I thought was common. I didn’t feel the heart palpitations before meeting him or when I got his messages. I didn’t swoon when I saw him, and I wasn’t a moth drawn to a very painful flame.
In the midst of trying to decide if i was truly attracted to my husband or if i even wanted to continue seeing him, I remembered a TT video about how falling in love was always easy. Growing in love and letting it develop was a bigger test over time.
I’d never grown in love before, I either always got love bombed 🤡 or fell for someone ASAP like I got hit by a truck - so everything felt new.
However, soon enough, I realized what I truly felt about my current husband then.
I felt peaceful, assured, well taken care of, and always, always, ALWAYS protected. I never had to ask for anything or about anything. He was always ready to reassure me when I had doubts, and be there for me when I needed him. For the first time in forever, I was in a relationship where I no longer had to hold my breath. I could simply… breathe.
My husband has never been scared of standing up for me, and never cared about looking bad to others as long as I came out okay and happy. He couldn’t give a shit about people pleasing anyone else, I’ve always been the only important one.
(And I think that society has ruined this a little btw, calling guys simps and saying they’re losers for dedicating everything to their partners. But isn’t that what love, life, and marriage actually is??? Who the hell else is supposed to be by your side if you’ve got a long term illness in the hospital? Def not “YER BOYZZZ” right? 🤡)
He may not have been the typical picture of love I had always been used to, but he was what I wanted my life to feel like and look like.
In the love I feel for my husband now, I literally see the rest of my life. Not what it COULD look like but what it ALREADY IS. So don’t ever settle for potential, settle for what the person is already willing to offer you.
Because a marriage is a lifetime deal, and the Love of Your Life better be your lifetime story.
Reflecting on experiences like those shared in this article, I’ve found that the idea of choosing a "life story" over just a "love story" resonates deeply with my own relationship journey. Early in my 20s, I often chased the exciting sparks and overwhelming emotions that people commonly associate with "falling in love." But much like the author describes, those intense feelings—sometimes labeled as "love bombing"—don't always translate into lasting happiness or stability. It's common to confuse passion and drama for true love, but over time, I learned to value peace, trust, and mutual support more. Being with someone who stands up for me and makes me feel protected matters far more than constant fireworks or romantic gestures alone. When difficulties arise, having a partner who doesn’t shy away from conflict, but rather addresses it openly, helps build a stronger foundation. The phrase from the article about no longer having to "hold my breath" truly hits home. In my own relationship, the shift from uncertainty or needing constant reassurance to feeling comfortable and safe to be myself without fear of judgment has been transformative. Love that grows steadily can feel less dramatic yet much more nourishing and sustaining. Also, the societal stigma the author mentions—labeling devoted partners as "simps" or losers—is sadly real in some circles but misses the essence of relationships. Dedication, care, and being a true ally through life's challenges is actually what makes a marriage or partnership meaningful and resilient. Ultimately, choosing a "life story" means prioritizing compatibility, respect, and shared values over idealized notions of romance. It’s about accepting imperfection and embracing a partnership where both people can thrive as individuals and as a team. For anyone recovering from heartbreak or reevaluating what they want in love, this perspective is invaluable. It opens the door to relationships that are less about dramatic highs and more about lasting, steady happiness and deep connection.
