Maturing is unlearning- Motherhood & Loner-dom
*A photo of me in September 2019 on my Rising birthday, just before my life changed.* ✨
I believe that when your frontal lobe fully develops at 25, it’s an ideal time to begin a significant part of your self-development journey. This is the time to unlearn societal expectations and relearn who you truly are. 🌱
At 29, I find myself rethinking motherhood and my personality. As a firstborn African daughter, I was raised (or rather, programmed) to be a pseudo-parent from as early as seven years old, taking care of my four siblings. This upbringing bred a lot of codependent, perfectionist, and people-pleasing tendencies in me. Thanks to therapy, I’ve healed from much of the trauma, but when you start healing, other things often resurface to take its place. 💭
As a teacher, I naturally nurture and mentor my students. However, that’s not the same as having a biological child, and I’ve come to the conclusion that this is enough for me. I’ve also been considering my experiences with my own parents and the health of my body. The fantasy of motherhood doesn’t match the reality. I’ve finally developed a great relationship with my body, and I’m not ready to give up that autonomy to carry a child. I’ve also reflected on my current and ideal lifestyle, and I’ve never envisioned a child in it. When I did, it was always tied to having a husband, but if the husband were removed for any reason, could I single parent well? 🤔
No. The thought of it scares me. It might sound vain, but it’s not about external aesthetics—it’s about the internal. I don’t think many people consider this before having children. This also ties into the conversation about decentering men in a way, as the societal norm pushes us to find a husband and start a family. Even if I were to get married tomorrow, I definitely wouldn’t want kids right away. Maybe five years down the line, but by then, wouldn’t my fertility window be closing? Which makes me wonder, is my fertility window already closing? 🕰️
As you can see, this is a rabbit hole of questions. 🐇
Lastly, I’ve noticed my personality evolving from a codependent extrovert to more of a homebody/loner archetype. I’ve also come to understand that being charismatic doesn’t necessarily mean being an extrovert. Charisma is the ability to charm, inspire, and connect with people, while extroversion is defined by drawing energy from social interactions. I can be charismatic without being constantly social. In fact, social interactions tend to drain me, and I often find myself needing to recharge in the sanctuary of my home for long periods of time. I’ve realized that being a homebody doesn’t make me any less engaging or influential. 🌟
When it comes to astrology, I don’t see how people turn away from tools like this that can help them better their lives. My experiences with certain Aquarius, Leo and Scorpio placements have shown me that my life is unconventional and that my aspirations will manifest in a different age bracket. Understanding this gives me a certain level of peace and greatly cools my anxiety. It’s comforting to know that my path is aligned with the timing of the universe. 🪐
This realization also gives me plenty of time to get to know myself and become comfortable in my own space. Funny enough, I’ve always enjoyed being at home, in my own world. It wasn’t until my parents criticized me for it that I began to mask. 🏡
All in all, I like this new—or perhaps, returned—version of myself. This version of me is fully sovereign now, co-creating a life on her own terms. I love this for me. 💖
#healingjourney #wellness #self #selflove #selflovejourney #selflovemotivation #childfree #childfreebychoice #parenting #homebody
My journey into my late twenties has been a profound period of self-discovery, where every choice, from my career path to my personal style, reflects a deeper unlearning. Embracing the homebody archetype, for instance, isn't just about preferring quiet evenings in; it’s a commitment to a life of genuine comfort and authenticity. This shift has profoundly influenced how I view everything, including my wardrobe. Gone are the days of feeling compelled to fit into trends or uncomfortable outfits just to appear a certain way. Now, my style is all about expressing my inner peace and freedom. I've found immense joy in curating a closet that prioritizes comfort, versatility, and ease—pieces that allow me to move freely, whether I'm journaling in my sun-drenched living room or taking a candid moment to appreciate the simple beauty of my surroundings. Think soft fabrics, effortless layers, and clothing that feels like a second skin. It’s about being comfortable in my own skin, from my natural, often braided hair to my favorite pair of comfortable bottoms, allowing my authentic self to shine through without effort. This candid approach to dressing is a mirror of my introspective lifestyle, where true relaxation and self-expression take precedence. No performative outfits, just genuine comfort that accompanies me through my quiet moments and reflects the serenity I’ve cultivated. This embrace of my authentic self also extends to how I navigate societal expectations, especially around motherhood. Growing up, I was implicitly "programmed" into a pseudo-parental role, which shaped much of my early understanding of nurturing. As I've matured, I've realized that forging my own path often means stepping away from traditional blueprints and finding my own unique forms of guidance and fulfillment. This isn't about being motherless in the literal sense, but rather about consciously choosing to define "mothering" on my own terms—whether it's nurturing my students, my creative projects, or simply my own well-being. It's about becoming my own guide and creating the life I envision, one that may not fit conventional expectations but feels entirely right for me. The idea of embracing my sovereign self, as I wrote, is about rejecting external pressures and listening to that inner voice, even when it leads to unconventional decisions like being childfree by choice. This personal revolution is about cultivating an internal landscape of peace and autonomy. It means finding strength and inspiration within, rather than searching for an external "mother" figure to dictate my path. My journey has taught me that true power lies in understanding and honoring my own desires and boundaries. It’s a liberation, a quiet rebellion against the "shoulds" and "musts" that once governed my life. The ease and confidence I now feel, whether captured in a candid photo with sunflowers or simply enjoying a quiet moment at home, speak volumes about this transformation. It's about being present, authentic, and utterly content with the woman I am becoming, free from the need to conform to anyone else's narrative.
