Let’s walk through a check the facts scenario

In my experience managing Borderline Personality Disorder, the 'Check the Facts' skill from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) has been a game-changer for coping with intense emotions and preventing impulsive reactions that could damage relationships. One key realization is how often my mind creates stories fueled by fear and abandonment anxiety, rather than sticking to the actual facts. For instance, when my partner texts me unexpectedly canceling plans because they aren't feeling well, my first reaction might be to spiral into thoughts like "They're lying and just don't want to be with me," which fuels anger and hurt. But by pausing and consciously separating the facts (the partner said they’re unwell and want to rest) from my feelings (fear of being rejected) and the story my mind is inventing, I can slow down that emotional reaction. I find it helpful to ask myself the exact questions mentioned in the scenario: 1. What emotion am I feeling? Anxiety and fear. 2. What facts do I have? My partner said they feel unwell. 3. Am I making assumptions or jumping to conclusions? Yes, I’m assuming they’re lying. 4. What am I afraid will happen? That they’ll abandon me. 5. What’s the absolute worst case, and how would I cope? Worst case, they don’t want to be with me, but I’d survive and seek support. 6. Is my feeling justified by facts or by my assumptions? Mostly assumptions. This step-by-step mental check helps me respond with a wiser mind, choosing compassion and patience rather than reacting impulsively out of fear. Over time, practicing 'Check the Facts' has reduced my emotional crashes and strengthened trust in my relationships. Remember, this skill doesn’t mean suppressing feelings or ignoring intuition, but rather examining emotions thoughtfully to avoid being controlled by stories that pain our hearts without basis. Sharing this approach has helped me and others on the BPD recovery journey navigate triggers without feeling overwhelmed or alone.