“can you call yourself a mother, then?”
ever since i chose an elective c-section over a natural delivery, a new voice of doubt surfaced at the back of my mind, one that had lain dormant all these years.
“can you call yourself a mother, then?”
jude’s arrival was swift. no hours of agony, no sweat trickling down my face, no tears as he was lifted from behind the screen, placed briefly on my chest, then whisked away.
“can you call yourself a mother, then?”
breastfeeding was a tango neither of us could learn. he took to a rubber teat instantly, feeding well on manufactured milk.
“can you call yourself a mother, then?”
as my body and mind healed, my village helped care for jude. everyone else seemed to soothe him so effortlessly - his father’s steady hold, his grandparents’ soft coos, while i fumbled with unsure arms and a halting voice.
“can you call yourself a mother, then?”
in the midst of his unceasing wails, i cried out to God to help me to become the mother i thought he deserved - the mother that i should be.
“can you call yourself a mother, then?”
on my first mothers’ day, i am learning that my motherhood doesn’t look the way i thought it would.
sometimes it arrives under the harsh glow of operating lights. sometimes it is measured by scoops of formula. sometimes it is just giving what you can, even if it doesn’t seem ‘enough’.
maybe that, too, is motherhood.
happy mother’s day ❤️
Choosing an elective C-section can bring a mix of emotions, including unexpected feelings of doubt and identity questioning, as shared in this touching narrative. From personal experience, I’ve found that motherhood is not defined by the birth method or feeding choices but by the love and commitment dedicated daily. Many mothers who opt for C-sections often face external judgments or internal uncertainties, especially when breastfeeding doesn’t proceed as planned. It's important to remember that feeding your baby with formula is a valid and sometimes necessary choice, providing essential nutrition and comfort to your child. What matters most is the bond you build, the sleepless nights you endure, and the constant care you provide. Building a support system is crucial. Whether it’s your partner, family, or friends, having a ‘village’ can ease the challenges of early motherhood, especially when recovering from surgery. It's common to feel less confident initially, but gradually, as your baby grows and you learn their cues, your unique motherly instincts will strengthen. Motherhood often defies expectations and traditional narratives. It may not always resemble the idealized version seen in media or society. Sometimes, it's measured in formula bottles instead of breastfeeding, in recovery rooms instead of labor wards, and in imperfect but sincere efforts rather than flawless achievements. This approach encourages every mother to embrace their journey without guilt or comparison. If you’re on a similar path, know that self-doubt is normal but doesn’t define your motherhood. Celebrate every small victory and acknowledge that your love and dedication make you a mother in the fullest sense. Happiness and pride come with accepting your personal story and the beautiful, unfiltered reality of motherhood.
