🌸Mother / Daughter-in-Law Woes: Finding My Balance
We just moved back to my in-laws’ place after doing confinement at my mum’s, they said it’s best to do it where you feel most comfortable, and honestly, I’m so glad I did!
Postpartum life hit me harder than I expected; hormones all over the place, emotions on a rollercoaster, I cried over the smallest things (sometimes just from sheer exhaustion 🥲). Baby waking every 2 hours, pumping every 3, and still… barely any milk. It felt like I was giving everything but running on empty.
Now that we’re back with my in-laws, it’s another kind of adjustment. The elderly definitely have their own ways of taking care of babies and I know they meant well. My MIL loves her grandchild so much, and I’m grateful for that. ❤️
As a first-time mum, I’m still learning. Learning his cries, his cues, what soothes him, what doesn’t. I’m trying to build confidence in caring for my baby. Like, how am I supposed to bring him out on my own? Yet whenever he cries, my MIL instantly swoops in to carry or coax him, even when I’m already trying to handle it myself. Sometimes I would tell her, “It’s okay, I’ve got him, you need the rest yourself too” but she’ll still say, “来，奶奶抱” and proceed to carry him off my arms, and my heart just 🫠
I’m torn. I really appreciate her help (those quick naps I get when she takes over? LIFESAVER). But, I also want to learn, to be hands-on, to understand my baby on my own terms.
At times, I wonder, am I being unappreciative?
How do you all handle this kind of situation, where love, help, and boundaries overlap?
How can I tell her gently that I want to try soothing my baby myself, without sounding rude or ungrateful? 😔
Adjusting to motherhood while living with in-laws can be both comforting and challenging. From my experience, it helps to communicate openly and kindly with your mother-in-law about wanting to try caring for your baby yourself while appreciating her amazing support. For instance, I started to express gratitude before gently asking for space to build my confidence in soothing my little one. It's a delicate balance but being honest without blame encourages understanding. Also, sharing small daily wins with your mother-in-law can foster connection. For example, when your baby settles down after you try certain soothing techniques, mentioning these moments can highlight your growing skills. Remember, postpartum life is a big transformation—it's okay to feel overwhelmed and uncertain. Taking time for self-care, even brief rests when your MIL steps in, helps you recharge. Don't hesitate to seek advice from other first-time mums or join support groups where stories and tips on navigating family dynamics are shared. This journey is unique, but you're not alone. Embracing both learning and love, while setting boundaries, creates a nurturing environment for you and your baby.
be firm and say “mom no, I want to learn. I won’t be able to learn if you keep crying him away. Yes he will cry but if you keep doing this I WILL NEVER LEARN”