Whose Standard Is That, Actually?
You will see a post I made about what "enough" is. This is a follow-up cause I find we need reminding as people. 😊
We swapped keeping up with the Joneses for keeping up with the best version of ourselves. Somehow that bar feels even harder to reach.
Some days I shower, brush my teeth, get through the basics. And I still feel like I am falling short. Because the basics were never the whole list. There is also work, and the baby, and my husband, and the house, and being present, and the laundry that has been sitting there for three days.
I have heard the reframe. "All of this IS your self-care." And I appreciate the intention behind it. I really do. But I want to be honest about something. Sometimes that just feels like the same pressure in a prettier package. We took "keep up with the Joneses" and turned it into "keep up with your ‘best’ self." The aesthetic changed. The weight did not.
So here is the question I started sitting with: whose voice is actually in my head when I feel like I am not doing enough? Is it mine? Is it my mom's? Is it the person on social media whose house always looks like that? Because that voice matters. A lot.
I am not saying let it all go. I am not saying let things get gross or stop showing up. I am saying let's trace the expectation back to where it actually came from before we decide whether it belongs to us.
Because there is a difference between a standard that comes from your values and a standard that comes from imagined judgment. And most of us have never stopped long enough to figure out which one is running the show.
The people in your life who love you are not tallying the dishes. The only one keeping score is you. And it might be worth asking who taught you to count that way.
Whose standard are you actually living by? And is it one you even chose?
#selfcare #mentalhealth #boundaries #mommentalhealth #innercritic
I've personally wrestled with the feeling of never doing enough, especially when juggling the demands of work, family, and maintaining a household. Like many, I found myself caught in the cycle of trying to meet external expectations—whether it was the polished lifestyles I saw on social media or the high standards my family subtly communicated. Over time, I realized that much of the stress came from carrying a "backpack" filled with expectations that weren't truly mine. One powerful step I took was what the article suggests: tracing each expectation back to its source. When I paused and asked myself "Whose voice is this?" it often turned out to be an internalized message from my upbringing or social comparisons, not my authentic values. By making that distinction, I could start letting go of standards that felt like imagined judgment rather than personal values. Another important insight was recognizing how self-care can be misunderstood as yet another performance metric. We might say, "All of this is your self-care," but if it comes with guilt or exhaustion, it’s probably still pressure in a new form. Real self-care means identifying what genuinely replenishes you — whether it's saying no to extra chores, dedicating time to hobbies, or simply accepting imperfect days. What helped me even more was redefining success in daily life. Instead of aiming for the perfect clean house or flawless parenting, I started valuing presence and self-compassion. I reminded myself that loved ones aren’t measuring me by unwashed dishes or the laundry pile but cherish me for who I am. This reflection isn't about giving up responsibility but about reclaiming control over which standards we live by. It's empowering to choose expectations grounded in your values rather than chasing ideals imposed by others or society. For anyone struggling under the weight of constant "shoulds," I encourage you to question those voices and create boundaries that nurture your mental health and inner peace.
