"NG words of encouragement" that stir up children's anxiety
When your child is trying something new or is nervous.
Are you using these words to reassure me?
"It's okay to fail!"
"Let's try it even if it's not good!"
"I'm not scared, I'm not scared!"
As a parent, I feel 100% supportive, and my children already understand the meaning of the words "It's okay to fail = I won't be scolded."
Despite that, do you have a child's face that is clouded or, conversely, becomes nervous and unable to take a step...?
Like the boy in this illustration, there is a good psychological reason why the gentle encouragement of adults turns into anxiety in children.
👁️ Because I understand the meaning of words, my consciousness is in focus
Unlike the brain processing error of "Don't run and run" when you were young, the meaning of words will be understood perfectly after the elders.
That's why when adults bother to say the words "failure" or "poor," the child's heart moves like this.
"Is it difficult to say that it's easy to fail...?"
"Could I be bad at it...?"
And, the alert mode suddenly enters for what to do from now on.
Adults intend to convey the goal of "It's okay to do ~ (so don't worry)," but the focus of the child's consciousness is combined with the strong keywords "failure" and "poor" spoken by adults.
⚠️ "too conscious," performance will fall
"I have to be careful about failure" "It's okay to be bad..." The more I think about it, the more tense my body and mind become.
Even in sports, if you are told "Don't make mistakes!," you will make more mistakes, and as a result, your consciousness will be pulled towards a negative direction, and as a result, it will be easier to induce anxiety and failure.
Furthermore, the standard encouragement of "You can do it!" is also transmitted as an expectation (pressure) for the result of "You can do it, right?," and it will cause the child to be thrilled.
💡 So, what should I say to you?
As a parent, you can be surprised that the words you thought were good were unknowingly pressuring your child.
But don't worry!
Is there a way for children to be able to take a step without unnecessary anxiety ✨
If you think "I might have put pressure on you to fail," please save it now and look forward to the next post 🌱
In the next post, we will deliver specific ways to get involved in order not to make children anxious!
# Parenting tips # child # Learning There is parenting There is childcare
子育てにおいて、励まそうとする言葉が子どもに逆効果を及ぼすことは意外によくあります。特に「失敗しても大丈夫」「下手でもいいからやってみよう」などの表現は、親としてはポジティブなはずが、子どもにとっては「失敗」や「下手」というキーワードが強く意識され、不安や警戒心を刺激することがあります。 私自身の経験でも、子どもが絵を描いたり新しい遊びに挑戦するときに「失敗しても大丈夫だよ」と言ったところ、かえって子どもの表情が硬くなり、一歩踏み出すのをためらう様子を見ました。これは言葉が子どもの意識の焦点を「失敗」へ向けさせてしまい、その結果プレッシャーを感じてしまったからだと理解しています。 また、「あなたならできるよ！」という励ましも、期待が裏目に出てしまい、「できなかったらどうしよう」という不安を生むことがあると感じます。こうした言葉の力を知ることで、親がどんな声かけをすれば子どもが安心してチャレンジできるかを考えることが重要だと思います。 例えば、「楽しんでやってみようね」「やってみないとわからないから、一緒に見守っているよ」など、結果や失敗にフォーカスせず、プロセスや本人の感情に寄り添う声かけが効果的でした。子どもが自分の気持ちを大切にされていると感じられると、不安が軽減され自由に取り組めるようになるのです。 親も完璧を求めず、失敗が学びや成長の一環であることを共に受け入れられれば、子どもの心はもっとのびやかになるでしょう。子育ては試行錯誤ですが、言葉の使い方ひとつで子どもの心の受け止め方が大きく変わることを実感しています。 こうした経験を踏まえ、今後は子どもの不安を取り除き、安心して取り組める声かけの具体例を学んでいきたいと思います。親子のコミュニケーションがより良いものになるよう、皆さんもぜひ参考にしてみてください。
