Leaving my first job — why I did it 😟

𝗜𝘁’𝘀 𝗼𝗸 𝗶𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗳𝗶𝗿𝘀𝘁 𝗷𝗼𝗯 𝗶𝘀𝗻’𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗳𝗶𝘁.

I have found stability in my career now, and I feel like I’m in the right place and state to now, reflect on the early stage of my career journey especially how it started. If you’re having a tough time figuring things out early in your career, I hope this post help guide you in your thoughts and what expectations you need to set for yourself.

For context, I left 3 months into my first role.

Just like current times, the job market 2 years ago wasn’t any kinder. I submitted 60 applications and I only received 1 interview invite. I had 2 other interviews that were through connections.

Desperation led me to accept my only interview offer at that point. Yes, there were many misfit presented during the interview, but the pay was to my expectations and it was an MNC, how bad could it be? I couldn’t afford to be unemployed due to the string of financial responsibilities that I have in my coming years.

Out of all my past 6 internships, I have not once encountered challenges adapting to a company or my superior. Sure, I’ve seen a strict, authoritative one, but it didn’t affect the way I did work. Not until my very first role that took a huge mental toll on me.

Why the job was not for me:

𝟭) 𝗖𝗼𝗺𝗽𝗮𝗻𝘆 𝗰𝘂𝗹𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗲 𝗺𝗶𝘀𝗳𝗶𝘁

As an enthusiastic fresh graduate, entering a company with majority long-time workers (>10 years) and above 40 years old, I felt out of place. I don’t have anything against working with different age groups, but when there’s lack of diversity, it affects the kind of work produced and it is very evident. Over time, I feel I’m just conforming to the traditional way of doing things, and it ages me lol. There’s also this generational gap where people has gone out of touch with current times (not knowing about current trends and advancements).

And do you know what’s the worst thing that breeds out of a culture like that? Many years of politics that exists. I met everyone for the first time, but then I was told stories that skewed my first impressions of people, and told to avoid working with certain people.

𝟮) 𝗦𝘂𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗼𝗿-𝘀𝘂𝗯𝗼𝗿𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽

One of the most important criteria. As a fresh grad, I wanted someone I could look up to, receive guidance and nuturing from, and to respect me as a team member.

What I got:

Lack of guidance – I would say I’m quite an independent learner, and I generally only reach out to my superior when I can’t figure things out myself and when I have higher-level questions to ask. I don’t expect to be taught right away before even attempting. But over time, I realised I could not get the guidance that I needed, and I was learning the hard way. I was redirected to others or had to resort to asking other colleagues (who isn’t in charge of the scope), ask stakeholders how it was done, or basically trial and error.

Learning being gatekept – I was not given the choice to decide whether I want to upskill or attend learning courses when opportunities came. They were simply rejected on my behalf because my superior doesn’t believe in such means of learning.

Dealing with their bad days – I think it’s important to compartmentalise emotions and feelings, from work and life. If it’s too much for one to bring themselves to work, take a day off. I think it is very unprofessional to bring emotions to work and then radiating bad vibes off to everyone.

Lack of direction – This was the hardest thing I had to cope with, and I think is the most important trait that a manager must have if they are leading a team. Because of this shortfall, things can’t get done and only go in circles because instructions and expectations are not clear.

𝟯) 𝗪𝗼𝗿𝗸𝗳𝗹𝗼𝘄 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗰𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗲𝘀

As the regional office, things have to escalate to HQ for approvals. I’ve dealt with this before but it’s worse in my previous role because people simply avoid doing something so they can avoid upward escalation. This was my breaking point, because the things I was doing was not moving, but my to-do list just kept growing. Timelines are always viewed as flexible even though they have been set. Safe to say nobody respects timelines and you can imagine how slow things move in the organisation.

🚩𝙀𝙖𝙧𝙡𝙮 𝙧𝙚𝙙 𝙛𝙡𝙖𝙜𝙨:

Biased decision-making: From my interviews, I noticed how there were many biases or stereotypical expectations casted. I could tell the hiring team’s decisions were not rational and were based off their own past experiences/judgement. They were not hiring based on capabilities and/ personality. It’s quite obvious because they ask questions like what’s my horoscope and MBTI. As I settled into my role is when I firsthand learnt about even more ridiculous biases that were present. Yes, it can drill down to what kind of educational background you’re from.

As someone who rather work than school – I started hating to go work 1 month into the role, I avoided team lunches (and would eat alone in a cubicle). I was feeling absolutely crap everytime I leave work because things were not done and I felt unaccomplished and unproductive. I knew I was trying hard enough, but I knew I couldn’t change things that have been set in stone for years and a culture that was resistant to change. I wasn’t growing and I just got increasingly demotivated.

And as if someone heard my cry for help, that’s when I received a call by my ex-boss from one my past internships to join them. I know I would have stayed if this opportunity didn’t come because I’m risk adverse and I fear unemployment. But I always tell myself now, 𝙣𝙤 𝙟𝙤𝙗 𝙞𝙨 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙩𝙝 𝙢𝙮 𝙨𝙖𝙣𝙞𝙩𝙮.

To anyone who didn’t start their career journey smoothly like me, this is for you.

"𝙔𝙤𝙪 𝙢𝙖𝙮 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙖 𝙛𝙧𝙚𝙨𝙝 𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙧𝙩 𝙖𝙣𝙮 𝙢𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙘𝙝𝙤𝙤𝙨𝙚, 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙬𝙚 𝙘𝙖𝙡𝙡 '𝙛𝙖𝙞𝙡𝙪𝙧𝙚' 𝙞𝙨 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙛𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙙𝙤𝙬𝙣, 𝙗𝙪𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙮𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙙𝙤𝙬𝙣,"by Mary Pickford.

The real failure is a choice—the choice to stay defeated instead of trying again.

PS: I won’t disclose the company I worked at, and there would not be any traces of information on it as I left it out of my CV. Not throwing shade at the company or the people I used to work with there, but it simply just wasn’t for me.